Welcome to part 419 of my big fat gypsy blog, its been 7 whole days since the last blog touched down on your fragile little heads like Garry Glitter at a Kids party its Been a very Exciting week or weak if we manage to touch on the dietary subject of ones much confused and often funny life that was the time had by me.. sound confusing? GOOD
I have to kick off this weeks blog with the goings on the world of Gypsy television, and i must say if your not watching this program then you need your head examined, its like watching the face of Garry Glitter as He got that phone call from PC world asking what his password was for his PC as they had managed to get it working and were checking all his files were in tact!!
This week we got to meet Martin Tom, the 16 year old boy with 2 first names (both shit) and hair like our Lord and saviour, Elvis A Presley.. yes this boy was a fountain of information, his insight into Gypsy ways were almost inspiring for the likes of a mere mortal like myself and made me want to achieve higher levels of enlightenment like our new hope for the future Martin Tom. He Moved out of his parents home at 16, well when i say moved out of home, he left their caravan and moved a spit away from them in his own skip on wheels he calls his own place, now his quite the little freckled Romeo and his advice on getting a kiss from a girl involves "Punching them" or twisting their arms until they "give in" which kinda opens my eyes to why they pick girls so young and here are my two suggestions.
1) 15 year old girls are not as strong as grown women, so are easier to physically restrain into getting a kiss or rape as i am brazenly calling it.
2) when the girls get over 18 the stress of life and having to live in a caravan on a site in the middle of nowhere takes its toll and they start to look haggard!
well that's my opinion, it may not be factual but its the one i'm going with at this moment in time.
earlier in the series it was pointed out very firmly that once a girl has been kissed or "grabbed" a they affectionately put it, then the girl has to Marry the boy.. thats it, simple tings!! but when they went to that event both Martin Tom and his Brother and His cousin (yeah i was taking about 1 boy) both said they "Grabbed" girls and got a Kiss (gypsy talk for rape..lol), so either they lied about Grabbing anyone or lied about "once a girls been grabbed you have to marry her"
so either way the lies are creeping in and cracks are starting to appear in the wholesome image we have of these gentle folk who supply our pegs, tell our futures in the crystal ball and Tarmac our driveways. i am truly devastated as i was hoping to convert to being a Gypsy as you pay no tax, build a yard wherever you see fit, you can "Grab" 18 year old Virgins without being questioned.. i mean who doesnt find that life exciting?
we also met the black sheep of the flock, Noreen who unlike the rest of the Thieving freckle-faced housewives had a real job, and she didnt sell pegs or "Lucky heather" (if you dont know what it is, its basically twigs that smell all right, not great, but they pick it in fields, wrap a bit of foil round it. offer you it in public. as you take it they demand a pound for their trouble). yes Noreen's real life job was as a Cake makers assistant, which includes making extravagant cakes for 16 year old gypsy brides who haven't cottoned on that being lonesome because your leaving your mums apron string will not happen, as you will be fighting off the sexual advances of her huspand every night and day for the rest of her natural life. Now not only does Noreen have a job but this girl can read and write which is apparently not a requirement for a gypsy women, so unfortuantly for Martin Tom the wife beating rapist in a red vest, Noreen is my new gypsy pin up!!
have to say i finally managed to hit over 600 followers on twitter, which has only taken since April last year to do, its a bit like an achievement, but only like one, its not actually one as its a social networking site and not a cure for being a Gypsy. had a few funny things i managed to tweet through ITV's take me out, so if you haven't joined the twitter revolution then get involved before we have mobile phones implanted in our heads (dragons den idea number 26), i stated on twitter about me not having a girlfriend yet with the following tweet: I see a down syndrome couple earlier, i thought "even he can get a bloody GF" saying that she wasn't much of a looker! now it was only a joke and again not a cry for help!!
Also this week Me & Keith recorded episode number 5 of the BIG AND CLEVER podcast, in this weeks podcast we discussed 1 night stands, thieving from Tesco, Zodiacs and Sainsbury's, how to get discount parking at the o2, Dancing On Ice (Chloe Madley i love you..sort of anyway haha), Garry Glitters Travel arrangements and loads more, so if you haven't listened to our podcast yet then you need to see why its been given 100% 5 star reviews and has made it to the number 1 spot twice now twice on itunes "new and noteworthy" chart. it really is a pleasure to record and all the great feedback is amazing (yeah i don't use that word very often).
Decided im going to do 2 bike challenges this year, as i only managed one last year.. had a word with Terry Marks and we are doing the London to Brighton and the Bikeathon again, we will be pestering people for sponsorship again and i will start my Bike training again soon by riding all over London knocking up 20 -30 mile trips complete with my little gay helmet that stops my brains falling out my bonce should i fall over, Also a bit of cardio work in the form of Badminton is on the cards, so if any of you lot fancy a game just let me no, its about £3-£5 each and i'm starting next week after work and on Saturdays that i'm free, the courts are Elephant, Camberwell & Sydenham so bare that in mind peoples!
Right thats me for now, if you reading this on facebook please note that my old blogs are viewable at: http://mrdannyblaze.blogspot.com/ and facebook again, so feel free to have a nosy if you have missed any.. i do appreciate any and all feedback good and bad, and remember they are just opinions, there is not point getting upset about what people think, it takes a lot to change peoples perceptions and people like me will always have an opinion, so try not be offended by what you read here!!
right lets close our eyes and pretend its summer already,,, right toodle pip and take care of yourself and try make the best of whatever situation, being down is over rated x
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