hey hey hey... the weekend has finally landed peoples, and mine has nothing planned.. i have gave some serious thought to spending the weekend GRABBING, which im looking into as my new pastime. and i shall be playing the DVD of MY BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING in court as my defence, and claiming a Romany way of life states that "i may approach an unscandalised girl and GRAB her with the intention of KISSING her and making her my future wife"
Some of you may be reading this thinking that it sounds awfully alot like sexual assault or attempted rape and for those amongst us with a moral compass that points NORTH and not to the nearest pub/drug dealer would be correct, but this is not us we are talking about. of course i am talking about the channel 4 program MY BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING broadcast on TV this week.
We got to meet a colourful bunch of people and by colourful i do mean the dresses (most of them were highlighter pen pink or had fairly lights which made the girls look like a cross between prostitute brides and the Christmas fairy that goes on top of the Christmas tree), The assumption here is that they are giving the girls the "BEST DAY OF THEIR LIVES" which to me sounds depressing because its all downhill from then. We can see that they are spending absolutely thousands on dresses, not so much on everything else, which brings me to ask the question... how are they paying for these fucking things??? not once did i hear how anybody earns a living on this program, not even a hint which makes me very suspicious.
im not going to assume they are in receipt of benefits, i will probably think at least some of them are though, as with any group of people. so with this in mind i am asking if anyone wants there DRIVE WAY sorted out as i have this fucking ridiculous dress to pay for, lol, failing that i have pegs, lots of lovely pegs.
i can say with authority though, none of the gypsy's i have encountered have shown any indication of spending any money on anything other than alcohol.. and i should know.
when i was 15 i met my kids mum and was told i wasn't to see her again as my mum thought she wasn't very nice (she was right in the end lol), well my mum said "you do as i say or you move out" needless to say thats the day i moved out of my mums house. at the time my mum was drinking heavily and it was actually a relief to leave, it was about this time she met (in the park drinking) a, well i was going to call him a Man but frankly he was an embarrassment of a human being (he looked like the Irish equivalent to RAB C NESBIT, he used to wear a suit and a T shirt with trainers, the only thing missing was the bandage on the head). he moved into my mums straight away and brought his two daughters with him, they were only about 10 and 11 i think. i didnt feel any hate towards them as they were only children and didnt really know any better, even when i heard one of them tell my mum to "FUCK OFF" this was a total shock to me, as if i had even told my mum No she would of put me in a coma. but here was this 10 year old telling my mum to FUCK OFF, it was quite a shock to watch my mum take that sort of thing so lightly.
the house then become a shithole almost over night, dont get me wrong it wasnt a palace before, but it was basic and clean like "Kwick Save No Frills Brand", i went round and they would be drinking out of washed our coffee jars and there would be loads of people about who i didnt know, or really want to know.. they were scum. these are the people you see drinking Tenants strong larger on the park benches, i couldn't believe MY MUM was was even talking to these kind of people, let alone living with one.
it wasn't long before he Hit my mum, and i spoke to her about what she wanted to do, she said they were both drunk and it was a one off, i offered to go and see him (to do what im not sure, i was 15 and he was a 40 year old man). it was about this time that my girlfriend got pregnant, i was still 15, i was at school and working weekends as a trainee chef, so i kinda had my hands full living in Brixton's Myatts field estate trying to keep my sanity with the news that i was going to be a Dad at 16. but with most things that present themselves in my life i decided to take this responsibility head on, and even though cracks had appeared in our relationship i thought, im not going to run away from this and i will do the best by my child..
i used to pop in on my mum when i could but lets face it, i was the child with a kid on the way and she was supposed to be an adult, i had my own family to look after..
a few years into my mums relationship he has to go to a funeral in Ireland and was involved in a despite with another family and was decapitated, now without sounding evil, it was the best thing that could of happend for my mum as she wasn't going to get away from him any other way.
during the time they were together we went for a meal in the Indian restaurant next door to camberwell police station, this was my mums way of treating me and my kids mum.
so we sat down and was told to order whatever we wanted, it was at this point i could smell a rat, and im not talking about the food.. during the meal He kept trying to antagonise the waiters with various tit bits of information and comments such as (him) you ok? (waiter) yes sir (him) you married? (waiter) yes sir (him) wheres your wife now? (waiter) she will be in bed now sir (him) who with?
now stuff like that isnt very nice, although it is quite funny in an evil way.. Indian restaurant staff are not targets for any sort of abuse in my eyes as they are usually very placid and polite.. So when the end of the meal comes i was told that me and my kids mum should leave as nobody was going to be paying the bill, it was kind of funny and i have walked out of restaurants since without paying, but inviting somebody out for a meal then running out is another story altogether.
i know im kind of generalising gypsy's but there are more than one type, pikey's and gypsy's, i haven't worked out whos who on this TV program yet lol.
Remember if you have any feedback on my blogs/podcasts please feel free to message me, i do always try and message back.. the podcasts are now in the ITunes top 100 comedy podcasts and if you haven't downloaded at least one of them, what have u been doing? its really simple just click on this link and it will take u to iTunes
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/big-clever-truevip/id411049804
so until next time, be very good or very very bad.. this weekend im off until Tuesday so Grabbing will feature heavily in my weekends activities lol
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