Good day to all you girls n boys in internet world who does read this ere blog that i'm writing n that. Has been a whole week since i did write the other one, and had lots of positive feedback but still no knickers sent in the post, i am suspecting my postman of withholding what is rightfully and legally mine, in fact i am thinking of setting up a Sting, whereas i send some sort of insect that does have a really poisonous bite slash sting, and when he opens the envelope which will be sprayed with a half decent perfume that i shall have to get on the envelope by taking it into Boots the chemist and using a tester (always thinking me) , So assuming this works i will not receive any mail as the postman will be dead or i will get a totally new shiny postie, who may or may not be a thieving bastard.
So how the How the frig are you my lovelies? not long until pancake day (Tuesday 8th march), the day of the year we break out the lemon juice and sugar, i never have pancakes, or any sort of lemon and sugar combination (not including lockets honey and lemon sweets for sore throats) any other time of the year!! and u get to see who the best or biggest Tosser is in your household unless like me you live alone and you win by default being the best and or the biggest Tosser all year round.
This week or last night We had no Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, which was the most documentary on channel 4 ever apparently hitting nearly 9 million viewers, now i know you may think that i am just a fountain of facts and information as well as being incredibly good looking, talented and full of bullshit..anyway's No Gypsy on telly did make me a very sad boy even going to the trouble of switching the telly box of between 9pm-10pm last night (i fucking didn't) >> but not to worry as one of our favourite Gyppo's was in this weeks and last weeks newspapers, of course i am referring to the king of the Gypsies, put your hands together for the one, the only (he's not) Paddy O'Dougherty, the man who has over 70 God children and has fucked more gypsies than the government planning department in England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales combined, yes apparently Mr i get 2 new cars every year and have annual parties in the cemetery is currently being "Minded" by the police after he gave evidence against another traveller who broke his Jaw in 2 places after an attempted fight in a nightclub.
what has broken my heart in this instance is the fact that the man i looked up to as a role model has gone against the gypsies ways (as they put it, not me, my grammars shit but im not retarded), yeah so he stood up in court and said he was putting it all on for the camera on the Danny dyers deadliest men and of course our beloved BFGW. Its all an act he says, next they will be telling me Grabbing is actually glorified "rape" and all them girls are NOT virgins when they get married? please don't say its so?
So maybe my accusations of charging to be a godparent were true after all, i think he has bigger things to worry about at the moment than what i think, like i wonder what caravan is going to be set fire to first when the rest of the tax dodging, tarmac laying brigade find out that he's given evidence in court against another Traveller and i did read that he is also related, which kind of goes without saying seeing as they marry their own sisters.. that was just a joke, half sisters and first cousins are not ruled out though.
also in the papers were Violet Annes family wedding where the caters alleged that hes still owed 4 grand from her dad who is one of the gypsies who lives in a house made of bricks.. im very confused as they all seemed to have the highest morality of any people i had ever had the chance to see on my telly box.
I did actually have a sneaky peek at the Telly box and saw resident nut case chef stroke food scientist Heston Blumenthal campaigning to to make food in a children's ward of a hospital better by dreaming up names like "sick soup", Eyeballs" and other ludicrous ideas involving putting ketchup filled worms on a pizza, now far be it from me to criticise but the bloke is mental and his menu seemed impractical at best, injecting worms with the ketchup seemed like a lengthy process and only really an idea that will be a novelty.
anyway enough about that crazy c*%t, next week we have something called the model agency, i reckon it will be a right bitch fest and well worth a viewing.. check me out trying to be some sort of TV critic, im thinking i may need to get a life that doesn't involve watching telly box on the nights i finish work!!
This saturday i am Dj'ing at Mc Suppliers birthday bash at Opera house and might try get a driver and have a few shandys, so if you fancy a night out, feel free to come say helllllllo!!
recording episode 7 of the Big & Clever Podcast tonight and im very pleased to announce we have passed 8000 downloads and counting, its all very exciting stuff. we are looking at bringing up a guest every now and then as well as doing a live podcast via u stream so look out for that girls n lads.
So thats it for this weeks blog, do remember all feedback is gratefully received and i reply to everyone's messages, so until next weeks exciting drama, take care of you are yours and Brappp yes i said it!! i went there x
Wednesday 23 February 2011
Wednesday 16 February 2011
Danny Blaze's On Line Off Air Blog: tuesday 16th feb 2011 RIP BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING
Danny Blaze's On Line Off Air Blog: tuesday 16th feb 2011 RIP BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING: "So the suns gone down on Big Fat Gypsy weddings faster than George Michael at a cocks convention, its so sad i really really hoped they woul..."
tuesday 16th feb 2011 RIP BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING
So the suns gone down on Big Fat Gypsy weddings faster than George Michael at a cocks convention, its so sad i really really hoped they would do an Eastenders style soap where we could all unite on a Tuesday evening and watch the day to day goings on around the sites of the UK, as im typing it i can see your beady eyes thinking who can we pitch this super idea to! yeah well that's aright, as long as the fucking thing gets made. just think a weekly or even twice weekly dose or "Grabbing" , Fighting and driveways being tarmacked by the likes of resident King of the gypsies Paddy O'D.
Its like i cant remember Tuesday nights before this program was on and i will miss it like a dog ive had for a few months and now its run away after ive paid for all its injections, the ungrateful little fucker, i dont know what they are going to put on instead of our beloved BFGW but i can guarantee it wont be a patch on it.
This week concentrated on the highlight of the gypsy calender, now i use the word calender but i doubt any of the cunts have seen what one looks like.. the highlight is Appleby horse fair, when what seems like every Gypsy worth his tarmacking gloves descends on a quiet town to buy and sell horse's, goods in the market and "Grab" the shit out of a woman! if like me you feel compelled to go to this years show its being held 3rd to the 5th of June, saying that i would like to go but i doubt it will be the charming Romany crew we need to worry about, on the other hand i might just feel safer going to the Notting hill carnival dressed as the Ku Klux Klan! what do you think? Appleby or Notting hill?
I'm only taking the piss, all my sheets are blue in my house and i wouldnt go Notting Hill in an armoured car.
The final show gave us insight into billy one of the event organisers.. The guy can jump in his car and be at the fair in 2 hours, but Billy decides to take his horses and old skool cart adding another 13 days and 22 hours to the journey, yes 2 weeks by horse and cart or 2 hours by car! are you taking the piss? he gets about an hour into his journey and calls his wife to drive and bring him some stew, now he seems like a nice enough chap, but you are defiantly taking the piss out of that wife mate. and i need to know for the love of god how he charges his phone that he always seems to be on whilst, well i wouldn't call it driving the horse and cart, but hes in control of it on a main road. no electric in his old cart, so i reckon hes telling porky's about only staying in that cart/house/tin of quality street thing he's dragging up the road.
we also got to meet Bridget who kept her blinds now in her bedroom incase somebody peeked through the window and see her dresses. erm so what? do you think they will be able to see the colours and design and within 3 days make exact replicas ya doughnut? i did feel a bit sorry for these girls getting married to blokes who wont even show their faces on Tv, i mean what do they have to fear? if a bloke knocks on my door selling rugs or offering to "do" my driveway with an Irish accent, im going to assume he's a fucking gypsy no messing.
I was Hoodwinked before when a car with 2 gypsy blokes pulled up and offered to sell me £90 worth of T mobile vouchers for £20, now that's a bargain in any language, so quick as a flash i got my £20 out and handed it over like i was buying the cure for cancer, he placed the phone cards in a green envelope in front of me and handed me the envelope, we made small talk and they drove off with me probably waving like a dickhead. i opened the envelope to discover i had just bought some green envelopes folded up inside of another green envelope, a bargain at £20, so thats only £10 per envelope. not bad for bright green stationary, and they say you cant Con and honest man.
We recorded episode number 6 of the Big and Clever podcast on Sunday and had a loads of fun doing it, our latest figures show its being downloaded by over 6000 people which is amazing, to everyone whos taken the time to listen i want to say thank you, it is a right laugh to be involved with and we will be recording number 7 in about a weeks time. if you want to email us any funny news stories please feel free and you will get credited on the podcast for sending it in.
So looking at my twitter it looked pretty grim on Valentines day, not many people seemed to have got a card or any sort of fuss made over them which is a shame, saying that i got nothing either and ended up going out with Fiona and Emma for an early nandos, where Emma ordered chips and Rice with her chicken. now i pointed this out at the time because i was baffled as i have never seen anyone order or even want both! but after me asking on twitter it seems its normal for girls and blokes think its not allowed.. any thoughts???
So now its behind us we have pancake day and Easter to look forward to soon, so lets put the horrid V day in the past until next year, when we can celebrate the death of some paedophile called Valentino, who the day of valentines is celebrated because of (see facts, thats what im giving you..hardcore facts lol), so thats enough to say you didnt want to celebrate in the first place lol
Right so dont think ive missed anything, we covered the fact we are going to miss BFGW and will all be looking at our Telly Boxes at 9pm next week with blank stares on our faces and V day, so if you have any feedback or thoughts please do get in contact via twitter, email, facebook, smoke signals, Morse code or carrier pidgin..
Until next time lets get out there Grabbing and all that old shite!! be good www.twitter/IamDannyBlaze
Its like i cant remember Tuesday nights before this program was on and i will miss it like a dog ive had for a few months and now its run away after ive paid for all its injections, the ungrateful little fucker, i dont know what they are going to put on instead of our beloved BFGW but i can guarantee it wont be a patch on it.
This week concentrated on the highlight of the gypsy calender, now i use the word calender but i doubt any of the cunts have seen what one looks like.. the highlight is Appleby horse fair, when what seems like every Gypsy worth his tarmacking gloves descends on a quiet town to buy and sell horse's, goods in the market and "Grab" the shit out of a woman! if like me you feel compelled to go to this years show its being held 3rd to the 5th of June, saying that i would like to go but i doubt it will be the charming Romany crew we need to worry about, on the other hand i might just feel safer going to the Notting hill carnival dressed as the Ku Klux Klan! what do you think? Appleby or Notting hill?
I'm only taking the piss, all my sheets are blue in my house and i wouldnt go Notting Hill in an armoured car.
The final show gave us insight into billy one of the event organisers.. The guy can jump in his car and be at the fair in 2 hours, but Billy decides to take his horses and old skool cart adding another 13 days and 22 hours to the journey, yes 2 weeks by horse and cart or 2 hours by car! are you taking the piss? he gets about an hour into his journey and calls his wife to drive and bring him some stew, now he seems like a nice enough chap, but you are defiantly taking the piss out of that wife mate. and i need to know for the love of god how he charges his phone that he always seems to be on whilst, well i wouldn't call it driving the horse and cart, but hes in control of it on a main road. no electric in his old cart, so i reckon hes telling porky's about only staying in that cart/house/tin of quality street thing he's dragging up the road.
we also got to meet Bridget who kept her blinds now in her bedroom incase somebody peeked through the window and see her dresses. erm so what? do you think they will be able to see the colours and design and within 3 days make exact replicas ya doughnut? i did feel a bit sorry for these girls getting married to blokes who wont even show their faces on Tv, i mean what do they have to fear? if a bloke knocks on my door selling rugs or offering to "do" my driveway with an Irish accent, im going to assume he's a fucking gypsy no messing.
I was Hoodwinked before when a car with 2 gypsy blokes pulled up and offered to sell me £90 worth of T mobile vouchers for £20, now that's a bargain in any language, so quick as a flash i got my £20 out and handed it over like i was buying the cure for cancer, he placed the phone cards in a green envelope in front of me and handed me the envelope, we made small talk and they drove off with me probably waving like a dickhead. i opened the envelope to discover i had just bought some green envelopes folded up inside of another green envelope, a bargain at £20, so thats only £10 per envelope. not bad for bright green stationary, and they say you cant Con and honest man.
We recorded episode number 6 of the Big and Clever podcast on Sunday and had a loads of fun doing it, our latest figures show its being downloaded by over 6000 people which is amazing, to everyone whos taken the time to listen i want to say thank you, it is a right laugh to be involved with and we will be recording number 7 in about a weeks time. if you want to email us any funny news stories please feel free and you will get credited on the podcast for sending it in.
So looking at my twitter it looked pretty grim on Valentines day, not many people seemed to have got a card or any sort of fuss made over them which is a shame, saying that i got nothing either and ended up going out with Fiona and Emma for an early nandos, where Emma ordered chips and Rice with her chicken. now i pointed this out at the time because i was baffled as i have never seen anyone order or even want both! but after me asking on twitter it seems its normal for girls and blokes think its not allowed.. any thoughts???
So now its behind us we have pancake day and Easter to look forward to soon, so lets put the horrid V day in the past until next year, when we can celebrate the death of some paedophile called Valentino, who the day of valentines is celebrated because of (see facts, thats what im giving you..hardcore facts lol), so thats enough to say you didnt want to celebrate in the first place lol
Right so dont think ive missed anything, we covered the fact we are going to miss BFGW and will all be looking at our Telly Boxes at 9pm next week with blank stares on our faces and V day, so if you have any feedback or thoughts please do get in contact via twitter, email, facebook, smoke signals, Morse code or carrier pidgin..
Until next time lets get out there Grabbing and all that old shite!! be good www.twitter/IamDannyBlaze
Wednesday 9 February 2011
Wednesday 9th feb 2011 - V day approaches
Did you know that i can remember my 5th birthday party? well bits of it. i can remember my cake with little plastic Womble characters on it, and for those of you who are too old or young to remember the Womble's they lived on Wimbledon common in a house which was made from 100% recycled materials, them guys were ahead of their times, as anyone who lives in a real house and not a block of flats is encouraged to do recycling, but the 100 or so people who live in council blocks are just expected to fill up the bin chute with babies nappy's and the boxes from ready meals, so no pressure on the poor, just the nice nice people feeling good about themselves for "doing their bit" which on contrast to the amount of houses to estates up and down the country is pretty much a waste, but better than nothing i suppose.
the thing about remembering stuff so far back is your not sure what you actually see and what bits your brain automaticly fills in by itself, well thats how my childhood is remembered by me, it little bits n bobs, some of it great like going on holiday to Spain, even though it was on a coach which took about 28 hours if i remember correctly, i was 13 so not so much a baby, but a long time ago still (22 years to be precise, even saying that makes me cringe). i remember my mum bought me black converse boots because she said they were going to be in fashion soon (i only had to wait 20 years for them to come into fashion, its just a shame i don't have them any more coz i could be one cool mother fucker and tell everyone how i am 20 years ahead of style!! take note GOK)
The year was 1998 and life wasnt that bad if you knew how to get what you want. by this i mean if i wanted something i went and stole it from the shops, i wasnt a stranger to having a party with my best friend Eileen, we used to go to Woolworths in Peckham and basically nick everything we needed for a party, including party poppers, toys, sweets and anything else we see fit to take. it was a laugh and only my cousin Jamie ever got caught nicking a torch from Woolworths and he was 2 years younger than me so he just put on the waterworks and they let him go, even saying he can keep the torch..result.
So on this holiday was My cousins Steven, Jamie, my Mum and the Bloke she was cheating on her boyfriend with Lesley, i fucking hated Lesley but i have to admit he knew how to bribe me, he would give me £5 and tell me to fuck off as he wanted to spend some time with my Mum, now seeing as he has given me money i was only willing to do as
i was told. (i remember being about 11 and having to go to a pub in Havil street and they had the original Mario Brothers, he gave me enough money over the months of going there to clock the whole fucking game)
Lesley used to have all these cockney mannerisms and sayings that guaranteed that i would think he was a knob, but like i said he knew his way round a bribe & used to buy me stuff all the time to impress my mum, this particular bribe was a holiday for my 13th birthday and who was i to say No? i was taught to respect your elders, well whilst they are saying or doing something that's in your own benefit. His favourite saying seemed to be "Think about it" which he added to the end of any sentence where he was giving you any sort of Life advice or general "Lesley wisdom" as kids we took the piss out of him pretty hardcore, constantly repeating "Think about it" like parrots who only know one word.
whilst on this Free holiday we were told there would be a fancy dress competition for men to dress up as women, my cousins were only too happy to play dress up in womens clothes but me being a stush Jamaican from birth i thought it was very gay and not my thing. My Mum then put alot of pressure on me to enter as i was not getting it the spirit of things.
i basically had to wear my mums blouse, bra and skirt and wear make up, which felt wrong. we were ushered into a room where some guys were taking it far too seriously and the hotel owners were plying people with free alcohol to help them relax or groom them as i see now.
My biggest worry as a child must of been what shall i do tomorrow, how do you go back to that easy carefree way of thinking?
Saturday was the first proper night out i have had in ages, went to sum illegal rave which was quite exciting, where your in a disused office complex with pained walls covered in graffiti, listening to house music surrounded by people smoking & openly taking drugs, you buy tokens at the cloakroom for drinks..genius system lol
Then after the fact they have no air con and we couldn't breathe we went on to cable to another house night, this night was full of people i recognised from Bermondsey and Dj'ing about town, the highlight of my night was a girl i know who hasnt seen me for years coming up to me and said "sorry for staring but do you know who you look like?" I said NO..."Danny Blaze" hahaha i was just glad it wasnt Garry Glitter (yes i always mention his name it gives me jokes)
#BFGW
So Paddy gets a new car twice a year, he then takes it to the cemetery to show it off to his son who died 14 years prior in a car accident (No Irony there whatsoever), i did write some awful tweets last night about this incident which had me pissing myself laughing, but i will write a couple here but please remember its only a little joke.
"From paddy: Dear Dead son hope you like the new whip (car), its just like the one that run you over, but newer"
"Paddy is like the King of the Gypsies, if he knocks on your door & wants to fuck ur Gypo bride u have to let him #GypoRules"
So back to business.. Paddy seems to be a highly respected member of the gypsy community and featured on Danny Dyers deadliest men, so u no if Danny Dyer rates him, he must be Good, lol Paddy has over 70 Godchildren which makes me think he is somehow charging for this service, i mean why the fuck would you want to spend your life having to mind other peoples kids, maybe a couple i understand, ive got a God daughter, but i draw the line at 5, so 70 is just showing off or a lucrative business.
We still didn't get to find out the source of Paddy or any of the other "gentlemen" (see what i did there? i called em a nice name) incomes, i mean you can buy pegs in the pound shop and the most you pay for a bit of Lucky Heather is a fucking pound.
i did hear the words "scrap metal" & "tarmacking" mentioned but you would have to pave the M25 to be able to afford 2 new cars a year? well that or new cars cost £6.47 as ive never bought a car from the showroom.
We also got to meet violet who at 22 was an old bride, but looking at the state of her i reckon shes been Grabbed more times than the cordless microphone at a Garage rave, she was marrying some dude who didnt want to be shown on telly, i dont blame him, shes fucking butters. but she was brought up in a house and had a job, but gave up living in a house and her Job to live in a caravan next to a motorway, so we know shes got her head screwed on.. or not, i just think her mum was pleased to be getting rid of her, saying stuff like "if she tries to come back we wont have her, she has to work at the marriage", lets just hope violets anonymous husband dont beat her ah!
Just been told our comedy Big and Clever podcast has had over 5000 downloads on iTunes which is an amazing achievement seeing as it is totally unscripted & has no financial backing or plugging other than us plugging it on our Twitter & facebook, really hoping it leads to a successful stand up career & a radio show on a legal station in London. so if you haven't listened or downloaded it yet, come on what are you waiting for? the direct link is bellow and we are recording episode number 6 this coming Sunday at True mansions, if you want to raise any topics, send us Garry news, or any funny stories please do so as, its only done to entertain. (and the radio show, get rich, meet women, help with stand up, get groupies, get paid work and so forth lol)
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/big-clever-truevip/id411049804
So do Try have a listen :-)
right lastly its V day next week and for all single crew it might aswell be American independence day for all the use it is, i did have some random ideas to ring all the nice resturants and book all the tables so no smarmy in love merchant can show how cool he is A. by having a girlfriend and B. that he managed to get a table lol. Think we all need to unite and ruin the days of all happy in love peoples. obviously this is all down to bitterness and twisted logic but all good fun in your mind as long as you don't actually try and ruin anyone's V day lol
So if you lot have got any anti V day plans i want you to share them with me so i can write about any good ones in next weeks blog
right so until next week, please try get in touch with your feedback, it all does get read and replied to!! take care until then and if i dont see you through the week i will see you through the window (yeah i don't understand it either) xx
the thing about remembering stuff so far back is your not sure what you actually see and what bits your brain automaticly fills in by itself, well thats how my childhood is remembered by me, it little bits n bobs, some of it great like going on holiday to Spain, even though it was on a coach which took about 28 hours if i remember correctly, i was 13 so not so much a baby, but a long time ago still (22 years to be precise, even saying that makes me cringe). i remember my mum bought me black converse boots because she said they were going to be in fashion soon (i only had to wait 20 years for them to come into fashion, its just a shame i don't have them any more coz i could be one cool mother fucker and tell everyone how i am 20 years ahead of style!! take note GOK)
The year was 1998 and life wasnt that bad if you knew how to get what you want. by this i mean if i wanted something i went and stole it from the shops, i wasnt a stranger to having a party with my best friend Eileen, we used to go to Woolworths in Peckham and basically nick everything we needed for a party, including party poppers, toys, sweets and anything else we see fit to take. it was a laugh and only my cousin Jamie ever got caught nicking a torch from Woolworths and he was 2 years younger than me so he just put on the waterworks and they let him go, even saying he can keep the torch..result.
So on this holiday was My cousins Steven, Jamie, my Mum and the Bloke she was cheating on her boyfriend with Lesley, i fucking hated Lesley but i have to admit he knew how to bribe me, he would give me £5 and tell me to fuck off as he wanted to spend some time with my Mum, now seeing as he has given me money i was only willing to do as
i was told. (i remember being about 11 and having to go to a pub in Havil street and they had the original Mario Brothers, he gave me enough money over the months of going there to clock the whole fucking game)
Lesley used to have all these cockney mannerisms and sayings that guaranteed that i would think he was a knob, but like i said he knew his way round a bribe & used to buy me stuff all the time to impress my mum, this particular bribe was a holiday for my 13th birthday and who was i to say No? i was taught to respect your elders, well whilst they are saying or doing something that's in your own benefit. His favourite saying seemed to be "Think about it" which he added to the end of any sentence where he was giving you any sort of Life advice or general "Lesley wisdom" as kids we took the piss out of him pretty hardcore, constantly repeating "Think about it" like parrots who only know one word.
whilst on this Free holiday we were told there would be a fancy dress competition for men to dress up as women, my cousins were only too happy to play dress up in womens clothes but me being a stush Jamaican from birth i thought it was very gay and not my thing. My Mum then put alot of pressure on me to enter as i was not getting it the spirit of things.
i basically had to wear my mums blouse, bra and skirt and wear make up, which felt wrong. we were ushered into a room where some guys were taking it far too seriously and the hotel owners were plying people with free alcohol to help them relax or groom them as i see now.
My biggest worry as a child must of been what shall i do tomorrow, how do you go back to that easy carefree way of thinking?
Saturday was the first proper night out i have had in ages, went to sum illegal rave which was quite exciting, where your in a disused office complex with pained walls covered in graffiti, listening to house music surrounded by people smoking & openly taking drugs, you buy tokens at the cloakroom for drinks..genius system lol
Then after the fact they have no air con and we couldn't breathe we went on to cable to another house night, this night was full of people i recognised from Bermondsey and Dj'ing about town, the highlight of my night was a girl i know who hasnt seen me for years coming up to me and said "sorry for staring but do you know who you look like?" I said NO..."Danny Blaze" hahaha i was just glad it wasnt Garry Glitter (yes i always mention his name it gives me jokes)
#BFGW
So Paddy gets a new car twice a year, he then takes it to the cemetery to show it off to his son who died 14 years prior in a car accident (No Irony there whatsoever), i did write some awful tweets last night about this incident which had me pissing myself laughing, but i will write a couple here but please remember its only a little joke.
"From paddy: Dear Dead son hope you like the new whip (car), its just like the one that run you over, but newer"
"Paddy is like the King of the Gypsies, if he knocks on your door & wants to fuck ur Gypo bride u have to let him #GypoRules"
So back to business.. Paddy seems to be a highly respected member of the gypsy community and featured on Danny Dyers deadliest men, so u no if Danny Dyer rates him, he must be Good, lol Paddy has over 70 Godchildren which makes me think he is somehow charging for this service, i mean why the fuck would you want to spend your life having to mind other peoples kids, maybe a couple i understand, ive got a God daughter, but i draw the line at 5, so 70 is just showing off or a lucrative business.
We still didn't get to find out the source of Paddy or any of the other "gentlemen" (see what i did there? i called em a nice name) incomes, i mean you can buy pegs in the pound shop and the most you pay for a bit of Lucky Heather is a fucking pound.
i did hear the words "scrap metal" & "tarmacking" mentioned but you would have to pave the M25 to be able to afford 2 new cars a year? well that or new cars cost £6.47 as ive never bought a car from the showroom.
We also got to meet violet who at 22 was an old bride, but looking at the state of her i reckon shes been Grabbed more times than the cordless microphone at a Garage rave, she was marrying some dude who didnt want to be shown on telly, i dont blame him, shes fucking butters. but she was brought up in a house and had a job, but gave up living in a house and her Job to live in a caravan next to a motorway, so we know shes got her head screwed on.. or not, i just think her mum was pleased to be getting rid of her, saying stuff like "if she tries to come back we wont have her, she has to work at the marriage", lets just hope violets anonymous husband dont beat her ah!
Just been told our comedy Big and Clever podcast has had over 5000 downloads on iTunes which is an amazing achievement seeing as it is totally unscripted & has no financial backing or plugging other than us plugging it on our Twitter & facebook, really hoping it leads to a successful stand up career & a radio show on a legal station in London. so if you haven't listened or downloaded it yet, come on what are you waiting for? the direct link is bellow and we are recording episode number 6 this coming Sunday at True mansions, if you want to raise any topics, send us Garry news, or any funny stories please do so as, its only done to entertain. (and the radio show, get rich, meet women, help with stand up, get groupies, get paid work and so forth lol)
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/big-clever-truevip/id411049804
So do Try have a listen :-)
right lastly its V day next week and for all single crew it might aswell be American independence day for all the use it is, i did have some random ideas to ring all the nice resturants and book all the tables so no smarmy in love merchant can show how cool he is A. by having a girlfriend and B. that he managed to get a table lol. Think we all need to unite and ruin the days of all happy in love peoples. obviously this is all down to bitterness and twisted logic but all good fun in your mind as long as you don't actually try and ruin anyone's V day lol
So if you lot have got any anti V day plans i want you to share them with me so i can write about any good ones in next weeks blog
right so until next week, please try get in touch with your feedback, it all does get read and replied to!! take care until then and if i dont see you through the week i will see you through the window (yeah i don't understand it either) xx
Wednesday 2 February 2011
Wednesday 2nd of febuary 2011 - the gypsy's curse
Welcome to part 419 of my big fat gypsy blog, its been 7 whole days since the last blog touched down on your fragile little heads like Garry Glitter at a Kids party its Been a very Exciting week or weak if we manage to touch on the dietary subject of ones much confused and often funny life that was the time had by me.. sound confusing? GOOD
I have to kick off this weeks blog with the goings on the world of Gypsy television, and i must say if your not watching this program then you need your head examined, its like watching the face of Garry Glitter as He got that phone call from PC world asking what his password was for his PC as they had managed to get it working and were checking all his files were in tact!!
This week we got to meet Martin Tom, the 16 year old boy with 2 first names (both shit) and hair like our Lord and saviour, Elvis A Presley.. yes this boy was a fountain of information, his insight into Gypsy ways were almost inspiring for the likes of a mere mortal like myself and made me want to achieve higher levels of enlightenment like our new hope for the future Martin Tom. He Moved out of his parents home at 16, well when i say moved out of home, he left their caravan and moved a spit away from them in his own skip on wheels he calls his own place, now his quite the little freckled Romeo and his advice on getting a kiss from a girl involves "Punching them" or twisting their arms until they "give in" which kinda opens my eyes to why they pick girls so young and here are my two suggestions.
1) 15 year old girls are not as strong as grown women, so are easier to physically restrain into getting a kiss or rape as i am brazenly calling it.
2) when the girls get over 18 the stress of life and having to live in a caravan on a site in the middle of nowhere takes its toll and they start to look haggard!
well that's my opinion, it may not be factual but its the one i'm going with at this moment in time.
earlier in the series it was pointed out very firmly that once a girl has been kissed or "grabbed" a they affectionately put it, then the girl has to Marry the boy.. thats it, simple tings!! but when they went to that event both Martin Tom and his Brother and His cousin (yeah i was taking about 1 boy) both said they "Grabbed" girls and got a Kiss (gypsy talk for rape..lol), so either they lied about Grabbing anyone or lied about "once a girls been grabbed you have to marry her"
so either way the lies are creeping in and cracks are starting to appear in the wholesome image we have of these gentle folk who supply our pegs, tell our futures in the crystal ball and Tarmac our driveways. i am truly devastated as i was hoping to convert to being a Gypsy as you pay no tax, build a yard wherever you see fit, you can "Grab" 18 year old Virgins without being questioned.. i mean who doesnt find that life exciting?
we also met the black sheep of the flock, Noreen who unlike the rest of the Thieving freckle-faced housewives had a real job, and she didnt sell pegs or "Lucky heather" (if you dont know what it is, its basically twigs that smell all right, not great, but they pick it in fields, wrap a bit of foil round it. offer you it in public. as you take it they demand a pound for their trouble). yes Noreen's real life job was as a Cake makers assistant, which includes making extravagant cakes for 16 year old gypsy brides who haven't cottoned on that being lonesome because your leaving your mums apron string will not happen, as you will be fighting off the sexual advances of her huspand every night and day for the rest of her natural life. Now not only does Noreen have a job but this girl can read and write which is apparently not a requirement for a gypsy women, so unfortuantly for Martin Tom the wife beating rapist in a red vest, Noreen is my new gypsy pin up!!
have to say i finally managed to hit over 600 followers on twitter, which has only taken since April last year to do, its a bit like an achievement, but only like one, its not actually one as its a social networking site and not a cure for being a Gypsy. had a few funny things i managed to tweet through ITV's take me out, so if you haven't joined the twitter revolution then get involved before we have mobile phones implanted in our heads (dragons den idea number 26), i stated on twitter about me not having a girlfriend yet with the following tweet: I see a down syndrome couple earlier, i thought "even he can get a bloody GF" saying that she wasn't much of a looker! now it was only a joke and again not a cry for help!!
Also this week Me & Keith recorded episode number 5 of the BIG AND CLEVER podcast, in this weeks podcast we discussed 1 night stands, thieving from Tesco, Zodiacs and Sainsbury's, how to get discount parking at the o2, Dancing On Ice (Chloe Madley i love you..sort of anyway haha), Garry Glitters Travel arrangements and loads more, so if you haven't listened to our podcast yet then you need to see why its been given 100% 5 star reviews and has made it to the number 1 spot twice now twice on itunes "new and noteworthy" chart. it really is a pleasure to record and all the great feedback is amazing (yeah i don't use that word very often).
Decided im going to do 2 bike challenges this year, as i only managed one last year.. had a word with Terry Marks and we are doing the London to Brighton and the Bikeathon again, we will be pestering people for sponsorship again and i will start my Bike training again soon by riding all over London knocking up 20 -30 mile trips complete with my little gay helmet that stops my brains falling out my bonce should i fall over, Also a bit of cardio work in the form of Badminton is on the cards, so if any of you lot fancy a game just let me no, its about £3-£5 each and i'm starting next week after work and on Saturdays that i'm free, the courts are Elephant, Camberwell & Sydenham so bare that in mind peoples!
Right thats me for now, if you reading this on facebook please note that my old blogs are viewable at: http://mrdannyblaze.blogspot.com/ and facebook again, so feel free to have a nosy if you have missed any.. i do appreciate any and all feedback good and bad, and remember they are just opinions, there is not point getting upset about what people think, it takes a lot to change peoples perceptions and people like me will always have an opinion, so try not be offended by what you read here!!
right lets close our eyes and pretend its summer already,,, right toodle pip and take care of yourself and try make the best of whatever situation, being down is over rated x
I have to kick off this weeks blog with the goings on the world of Gypsy television, and i must say if your not watching this program then you need your head examined, its like watching the face of Garry Glitter as He got that phone call from PC world asking what his password was for his PC as they had managed to get it working and were checking all his files were in tact!!
This week we got to meet Martin Tom, the 16 year old boy with 2 first names (both shit) and hair like our Lord and saviour, Elvis A Presley.. yes this boy was a fountain of information, his insight into Gypsy ways were almost inspiring for the likes of a mere mortal like myself and made me want to achieve higher levels of enlightenment like our new hope for the future Martin Tom. He Moved out of his parents home at 16, well when i say moved out of home, he left their caravan and moved a spit away from them in his own skip on wheels he calls his own place, now his quite the little freckled Romeo and his advice on getting a kiss from a girl involves "Punching them" or twisting their arms until they "give in" which kinda opens my eyes to why they pick girls so young and here are my two suggestions.
1) 15 year old girls are not as strong as grown women, so are easier to physically restrain into getting a kiss or rape as i am brazenly calling it.
2) when the girls get over 18 the stress of life and having to live in a caravan on a site in the middle of nowhere takes its toll and they start to look haggard!
well that's my opinion, it may not be factual but its the one i'm going with at this moment in time.
earlier in the series it was pointed out very firmly that once a girl has been kissed or "grabbed" a they affectionately put it, then the girl has to Marry the boy.. thats it, simple tings!! but when they went to that event both Martin Tom and his Brother and His cousin (yeah i was taking about 1 boy) both said they "Grabbed" girls and got a Kiss (gypsy talk for rape..lol), so either they lied about Grabbing anyone or lied about "once a girls been grabbed you have to marry her"
so either way the lies are creeping in and cracks are starting to appear in the wholesome image we have of these gentle folk who supply our pegs, tell our futures in the crystal ball and Tarmac our driveways. i am truly devastated as i was hoping to convert to being a Gypsy as you pay no tax, build a yard wherever you see fit, you can "Grab" 18 year old Virgins without being questioned.. i mean who doesnt find that life exciting?
we also met the black sheep of the flock, Noreen who unlike the rest of the Thieving freckle-faced housewives had a real job, and she didnt sell pegs or "Lucky heather" (if you dont know what it is, its basically twigs that smell all right, not great, but they pick it in fields, wrap a bit of foil round it. offer you it in public. as you take it they demand a pound for their trouble). yes Noreen's real life job was as a Cake makers assistant, which includes making extravagant cakes for 16 year old gypsy brides who haven't cottoned on that being lonesome because your leaving your mums apron string will not happen, as you will be fighting off the sexual advances of her huspand every night and day for the rest of her natural life. Now not only does Noreen have a job but this girl can read and write which is apparently not a requirement for a gypsy women, so unfortuantly for Martin Tom the wife beating rapist in a red vest, Noreen is my new gypsy pin up!!
have to say i finally managed to hit over 600 followers on twitter, which has only taken since April last year to do, its a bit like an achievement, but only like one, its not actually one as its a social networking site and not a cure for being a Gypsy. had a few funny things i managed to tweet through ITV's take me out, so if you haven't joined the twitter revolution then get involved before we have mobile phones implanted in our heads (dragons den idea number 26), i stated on twitter about me not having a girlfriend yet with the following tweet: I see a down syndrome couple earlier, i thought "even he can get a bloody GF" saying that she wasn't much of a looker! now it was only a joke and again not a cry for help!!
Also this week Me & Keith recorded episode number 5 of the BIG AND CLEVER podcast, in this weeks podcast we discussed 1 night stands, thieving from Tesco, Zodiacs and Sainsbury's, how to get discount parking at the o2, Dancing On Ice (Chloe Madley i love you..sort of anyway haha), Garry Glitters Travel arrangements and loads more, so if you haven't listened to our podcast yet then you need to see why its been given 100% 5 star reviews and has made it to the number 1 spot twice now twice on itunes "new and noteworthy" chart. it really is a pleasure to record and all the great feedback is amazing (yeah i don't use that word very often).
Decided im going to do 2 bike challenges this year, as i only managed one last year.. had a word with Terry Marks and we are doing the London to Brighton and the Bikeathon again, we will be pestering people for sponsorship again and i will start my Bike training again soon by riding all over London knocking up 20 -30 mile trips complete with my little gay helmet that stops my brains falling out my bonce should i fall over, Also a bit of cardio work in the form of Badminton is on the cards, so if any of you lot fancy a game just let me no, its about £3-£5 each and i'm starting next week after work and on Saturdays that i'm free, the courts are Elephant, Camberwell & Sydenham so bare that in mind peoples!
Right thats me for now, if you reading this on facebook please note that my old blogs are viewable at: http://mrdannyblaze.blogspot.com/ and facebook again, so feel free to have a nosy if you have missed any.. i do appreciate any and all feedback good and bad, and remember they are just opinions, there is not point getting upset about what people think, it takes a lot to change peoples perceptions and people like me will always have an opinion, so try not be offended by what you read here!!
right lets close our eyes and pretend its summer already,,, right toodle pip and take care of yourself and try make the best of whatever situation, being down is over rated x
Tuesday 1 February 2011
26th jan 2011 - still on gypo hype
good day to you lot, welcome to another exciting episode of loose women.. its not but it conjurers up the idea its either porn or something worth reading about. which will have to be decided by the following taps of the key and you opinion. so we had another episode of MY BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING last night, and i have to show my disappointment at not seeing any GRABBING at all, i feel robbed, i been looking forward all week to picking up some hits n tips as well as the location of the car park in episode 1 that i still haven't found.
this week was about two things mainly, some deluded 17 year old Jordan wannabe who had a dress quoted in today's Guardian newspaper as weighing 20 stone, which from the looks of her is more than 5 stone heavier than she is, complete with about £80 worth of Duracell batteries what does power the masses of fairy lights hidden in the dress for her "surprise revealing" on her first dance which was to UB40's "red red wine" (*note to this poor girl.. u can request whatever song you want for your "first dance", i can recommend something slow, such as Shania Twain - You're Still the One) im sure its one of the most popular songs in the land for weddings. (i used to really want WAYNE WONDERS - NO LETTING GO as my wedding song, but seeing as ive not actually managed to drag any poor girl up the isle, i think i may be able to get a hover car to the church by the time i actually find "the one" and by ONE i mean anyone..lol)
so back to this bloody gypo wedding.. basically the girl looked like a cross between a UFO and a meringue once the lights have been switched off to show a PIMPED OUT dress complete with moving butterfly wings. Now i can see why someone would Go mad buying a nice dress and that but then they totally loose interest when it comes to the venue for holding the reception or having any sort of dress restrictions for guests, i mean i kept seeing people wearing tracksuits, leggings and generally making no effort as a guest at the weddings we been shown so far. who turns up to a wedding in a fucking tracksuit? i would tell them to piss off and think they was being disrespectful.
as compelling as this series is, i think we are only being shown the better class of travellers as i know from first hand experience that they are not as friendly as we are being led to believe, it got a bit closer to the real deal when Dale Farm was shown, where we got to meet 6 & 8 year old children who were having spray tans (i see spray tans being offered in a tent at Dagenham market for about £15, who the fuck goes to the Market for a spray tan? i feel like ive only just got to planet earth and still finding peoples behaviour a bit odd), these kids were a lot more tatty n rough around the edges than last weeks "gypsy princesses", who by comparison weren't that bad and had even me thinking that i might be able to be convinced to marry one of the fuckers, but these little dodgy characters had me cringing as they got covered in make up complete with "beauty spot", but is wasn't until after the kids had there Conformation that i really felt social services need to get in there and say something about tiny kids wearing batty riders, and vest tops usually reserved for pole dancers and prostitutes, but each to their own i suppose. lol
in the trailer for next week it showed that Grabbing is back on the menu, so i shall be watching strictly for that purpose!!
yesterday i wrote a funny and what i thought witty joke about Jedward..as follows...Jedward, i cant tell them 2 apart..which one is the Gay one? >> about 4 hours later some fans of Jedward started twittering me saying how upset they was at me, and i was being homophobic and didn't know them, i cant tell you how much i laughed at this, it really did brighten up my evening knowing somewhere out there i pissed off some die hard Jedward fans. my life is complete.
right now this podcast, i am pleased to say it got to number 1 in the iTunes "new and noteworthy" chart yesterday, its going really well and im really looking forward to recording number 5 this coming Monday, so if you have an iPhone or an iTunes account please do take the time to download it and have a sneaky listen, i would be most grateful if you even managed to write a review "hint hint"..here is the link again in case you didn't get it the first 100 times.
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/big-clever-truevip/id411049804
in life failure is not an option, but its a way out for the weak and lazy, its better to try and decide its not for you rather than sit in your house talking about what you would do if you had this and that, i know opportunities dont really knock at your door as the program says "opportunity knocks"..it dont, but i am willing to put my hand to most things but if something isnt for me than i probably wont waste my time with it. i feel that doing things just to please others will eventually lead to unhappyness, its ok to be selfish as long as you get the balance right in the end. this isnt a dig and at anyone but just a state of mind.
right gonna cut it there and go do something productive, remember positive attitudes can make positive things happen, January is always a bad moth seeing as most people are gonna still be paying for Christmas and wont get back on their feet till February and the weather isnt really helping, so bare that in mind and know that summer will be here before you know it x
be good and think at least i don't live in a caravan..and if u do life in a caravan..get down the fucking council its 2011 for fuck sake
this week was about two things mainly, some deluded 17 year old Jordan wannabe who had a dress quoted in today's Guardian newspaper as weighing 20 stone, which from the looks of her is more than 5 stone heavier than she is, complete with about £80 worth of Duracell batteries what does power the masses of fairy lights hidden in the dress for her "surprise revealing" on her first dance which was to UB40's "red red wine" (*note to this poor girl.. u can request whatever song you want for your "first dance", i can recommend something slow, such as Shania Twain - You're Still the One) im sure its one of the most popular songs in the land for weddings. (i used to really want WAYNE WONDERS - NO LETTING GO as my wedding song, but seeing as ive not actually managed to drag any poor girl up the isle, i think i may be able to get a hover car to the church by the time i actually find "the one" and by ONE i mean anyone..lol)
so back to this bloody gypo wedding.. basically the girl looked like a cross between a UFO and a meringue once the lights have been switched off to show a PIMPED OUT dress complete with moving butterfly wings. Now i can see why someone would Go mad buying a nice dress and that but then they totally loose interest when it comes to the venue for holding the reception or having any sort of dress restrictions for guests, i mean i kept seeing people wearing tracksuits, leggings and generally making no effort as a guest at the weddings we been shown so far. who turns up to a wedding in a fucking tracksuit? i would tell them to piss off and think they was being disrespectful.
as compelling as this series is, i think we are only being shown the better class of travellers as i know from first hand experience that they are not as friendly as we are being led to believe, it got a bit closer to the real deal when Dale Farm was shown, where we got to meet 6 & 8 year old children who were having spray tans (i see spray tans being offered in a tent at Dagenham market for about £15, who the fuck goes to the Market for a spray tan? i feel like ive only just got to planet earth and still finding peoples behaviour a bit odd), these kids were a lot more tatty n rough around the edges than last weeks "gypsy princesses", who by comparison weren't that bad and had even me thinking that i might be able to be convinced to marry one of the fuckers, but these little dodgy characters had me cringing as they got covered in make up complete with "beauty spot", but is wasn't until after the kids had there Conformation that i really felt social services need to get in there and say something about tiny kids wearing batty riders, and vest tops usually reserved for pole dancers and prostitutes, but each to their own i suppose. lol
in the trailer for next week it showed that Grabbing is back on the menu, so i shall be watching strictly for that purpose!!
yesterday i wrote a funny and what i thought witty joke about Jedward..as follows...Jedward, i cant tell them 2 apart..which one is the Gay one? >> about 4 hours later some fans of Jedward started twittering me saying how upset they was at me, and i was being homophobic and didn't know them, i cant tell you how much i laughed at this, it really did brighten up my evening knowing somewhere out there i pissed off some die hard Jedward fans. my life is complete.
right now this podcast, i am pleased to say it got to number 1 in the iTunes "new and noteworthy" chart yesterday, its going really well and im really looking forward to recording number 5 this coming Monday, so if you have an iPhone or an iTunes account please do take the time to download it and have a sneaky listen, i would be most grateful if you even managed to write a review "hint hint"..here is the link again in case you didn't get it the first 100 times.
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/big-clever-truevip/id411049804
in life failure is not an option, but its a way out for the weak and lazy, its better to try and decide its not for you rather than sit in your house talking about what you would do if you had this and that, i know opportunities dont really knock at your door as the program says "opportunity knocks"..it dont, but i am willing to put my hand to most things but if something isnt for me than i probably wont waste my time with it. i feel that doing things just to please others will eventually lead to unhappyness, its ok to be selfish as long as you get the balance right in the end. this isnt a dig and at anyone but just a state of mind.
right gonna cut it there and go do something productive, remember positive attitudes can make positive things happen, January is always a bad moth seeing as most people are gonna still be paying for Christmas and wont get back on their feet till February and the weather isnt really helping, so bare that in mind and know that summer will be here before you know it x
be good and think at least i don't live in a caravan..and if u do life in a caravan..get down the fucking council its 2011 for fuck sake
21st jan 2011 - my big fat gypsy blog
hey hey hey... the weekend has finally landed peoples, and mine has nothing planned.. i have gave some serious thought to spending the weekend GRABBING, which im looking into as my new pastime. and i shall be playing the DVD of MY BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING in court as my defence, and claiming a Romany way of life states that "i may approach an unscandalised girl and GRAB her with the intention of KISSING her and making her my future wife"
Some of you may be reading this thinking that it sounds awfully alot like sexual assault or attempted rape and for those amongst us with a moral compass that points NORTH and not to the nearest pub/drug dealer would be correct, but this is not us we are talking about. of course i am talking about the channel 4 program MY BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING broadcast on TV this week.
We got to meet a colourful bunch of people and by colourful i do mean the dresses (most of them were highlighter pen pink or had fairly lights which made the girls look like a cross between prostitute brides and the Christmas fairy that goes on top of the Christmas tree), The assumption here is that they are giving the girls the "BEST DAY OF THEIR LIVES" which to me sounds depressing because its all downhill from then. We can see that they are spending absolutely thousands on dresses, not so much on everything else, which brings me to ask the question... how are they paying for these fucking things??? not once did i hear how anybody earns a living on this program, not even a hint which makes me very suspicious.
im not going to assume they are in receipt of benefits, i will probably think at least some of them are though, as with any group of people. so with this in mind i am asking if anyone wants there DRIVE WAY sorted out as i have this fucking ridiculous dress to pay for, lol, failing that i have pegs, lots of lovely pegs.
i can say with authority though, none of the gypsy's i have encountered have shown any indication of spending any money on anything other than alcohol.. and i should know.
when i was 15 i met my kids mum and was told i wasn't to see her again as my mum thought she wasn't very nice (she was right in the end lol), well my mum said "you do as i say or you move out" needless to say thats the day i moved out of my mums house. at the time my mum was drinking heavily and it was actually a relief to leave, it was about this time she met (in the park drinking) a, well i was going to call him a Man but frankly he was an embarrassment of a human being (he looked like the Irish equivalent to RAB C NESBIT, he used to wear a suit and a T shirt with trainers, the only thing missing was the bandage on the head). he moved into my mums straight away and brought his two daughters with him, they were only about 10 and 11 i think. i didnt feel any hate towards them as they were only children and didnt really know any better, even when i heard one of them tell my mum to "FUCK OFF" this was a total shock to me, as if i had even told my mum No she would of put me in a coma. but here was this 10 year old telling my mum to FUCK OFF, it was quite a shock to watch my mum take that sort of thing so lightly.
the house then become a shithole almost over night, dont get me wrong it wasnt a palace before, but it was basic and clean like "Kwick Save No Frills Brand", i went round and they would be drinking out of washed our coffee jars and there would be loads of people about who i didnt know, or really want to know.. they were scum. these are the people you see drinking Tenants strong larger on the park benches, i couldn't believe MY MUM was was even talking to these kind of people, let alone living with one.
it wasn't long before he Hit my mum, and i spoke to her about what she wanted to do, she said they were both drunk and it was a one off, i offered to go and see him (to do what im not sure, i was 15 and he was a 40 year old man). it was about this time that my girlfriend got pregnant, i was still 15, i was at school and working weekends as a trainee chef, so i kinda had my hands full living in Brixton's Myatts field estate trying to keep my sanity with the news that i was going to be a Dad at 16. but with most things that present themselves in my life i decided to take this responsibility head on, and even though cracks had appeared in our relationship i thought, im not going to run away from this and i will do the best by my child..
i used to pop in on my mum when i could but lets face it, i was the child with a kid on the way and she was supposed to be an adult, i had my own family to look after..
a few years into my mums relationship he has to go to a funeral in Ireland and was involved in a despite with another family and was decapitated, now without sounding evil, it was the best thing that could of happend for my mum as she wasn't going to get away from him any other way.
during the time they were together we went for a meal in the Indian restaurant next door to camberwell police station, this was my mums way of treating me and my kids mum.
so we sat down and was told to order whatever we wanted, it was at this point i could smell a rat, and im not talking about the food.. during the meal He kept trying to antagonise the waiters with various tit bits of information and comments such as (him) you ok? (waiter) yes sir (him) you married? (waiter) yes sir (him) wheres your wife now? (waiter) she will be in bed now sir (him) who with?
now stuff like that isnt very nice, although it is quite funny in an evil way.. Indian restaurant staff are not targets for any sort of abuse in my eyes as they are usually very placid and polite.. So when the end of the meal comes i was told that me and my kids mum should leave as nobody was going to be paying the bill, it was kind of funny and i have walked out of restaurants since without paying, but inviting somebody out for a meal then running out is another story altogether.
i know im kind of generalising gypsy's but there are more than one type, pikey's and gypsy's, i haven't worked out whos who on this TV program yet lol.
Remember if you have any feedback on my blogs/podcasts please feel free to message me, i do always try and message back.. the podcasts are now in the ITunes top 100 comedy podcasts and if you haven't downloaded at least one of them, what have u been doing? its really simple just click on this link and it will take u to iTunes
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/big-clever-truevip/id411049804
so until next time, be very good or very very bad.. this weekend im off until Tuesday so Grabbing will feature heavily in my weekends activities lol
Some of you may be reading this thinking that it sounds awfully alot like sexual assault or attempted rape and for those amongst us with a moral compass that points NORTH and not to the nearest pub/drug dealer would be correct, but this is not us we are talking about. of course i am talking about the channel 4 program MY BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING broadcast on TV this week.
We got to meet a colourful bunch of people and by colourful i do mean the dresses (most of them were highlighter pen pink or had fairly lights which made the girls look like a cross between prostitute brides and the Christmas fairy that goes on top of the Christmas tree), The assumption here is that they are giving the girls the "BEST DAY OF THEIR LIVES" which to me sounds depressing because its all downhill from then. We can see that they are spending absolutely thousands on dresses, not so much on everything else, which brings me to ask the question... how are they paying for these fucking things??? not once did i hear how anybody earns a living on this program, not even a hint which makes me very suspicious.
im not going to assume they are in receipt of benefits, i will probably think at least some of them are though, as with any group of people. so with this in mind i am asking if anyone wants there DRIVE WAY sorted out as i have this fucking ridiculous dress to pay for, lol, failing that i have pegs, lots of lovely pegs.
i can say with authority though, none of the gypsy's i have encountered have shown any indication of spending any money on anything other than alcohol.. and i should know.
when i was 15 i met my kids mum and was told i wasn't to see her again as my mum thought she wasn't very nice (she was right in the end lol), well my mum said "you do as i say or you move out" needless to say thats the day i moved out of my mums house. at the time my mum was drinking heavily and it was actually a relief to leave, it was about this time she met (in the park drinking) a, well i was going to call him a Man but frankly he was an embarrassment of a human being (he looked like the Irish equivalent to RAB C NESBIT, he used to wear a suit and a T shirt with trainers, the only thing missing was the bandage on the head). he moved into my mums straight away and brought his two daughters with him, they were only about 10 and 11 i think. i didnt feel any hate towards them as they were only children and didnt really know any better, even when i heard one of them tell my mum to "FUCK OFF" this was a total shock to me, as if i had even told my mum No she would of put me in a coma. but here was this 10 year old telling my mum to FUCK OFF, it was quite a shock to watch my mum take that sort of thing so lightly.
the house then become a shithole almost over night, dont get me wrong it wasnt a palace before, but it was basic and clean like "Kwick Save No Frills Brand", i went round and they would be drinking out of washed our coffee jars and there would be loads of people about who i didnt know, or really want to know.. they were scum. these are the people you see drinking Tenants strong larger on the park benches, i couldn't believe MY MUM was was even talking to these kind of people, let alone living with one.
it wasn't long before he Hit my mum, and i spoke to her about what she wanted to do, she said they were both drunk and it was a one off, i offered to go and see him (to do what im not sure, i was 15 and he was a 40 year old man). it was about this time that my girlfriend got pregnant, i was still 15, i was at school and working weekends as a trainee chef, so i kinda had my hands full living in Brixton's Myatts field estate trying to keep my sanity with the news that i was going to be a Dad at 16. but with most things that present themselves in my life i decided to take this responsibility head on, and even though cracks had appeared in our relationship i thought, im not going to run away from this and i will do the best by my child..
i used to pop in on my mum when i could but lets face it, i was the child with a kid on the way and she was supposed to be an adult, i had my own family to look after..
a few years into my mums relationship he has to go to a funeral in Ireland and was involved in a despite with another family and was decapitated, now without sounding evil, it was the best thing that could of happend for my mum as she wasn't going to get away from him any other way.
during the time they were together we went for a meal in the Indian restaurant next door to camberwell police station, this was my mums way of treating me and my kids mum.
so we sat down and was told to order whatever we wanted, it was at this point i could smell a rat, and im not talking about the food.. during the meal He kept trying to antagonise the waiters with various tit bits of information and comments such as (him) you ok? (waiter) yes sir (him) you married? (waiter) yes sir (him) wheres your wife now? (waiter) she will be in bed now sir (him) who with?
now stuff like that isnt very nice, although it is quite funny in an evil way.. Indian restaurant staff are not targets for any sort of abuse in my eyes as they are usually very placid and polite.. So when the end of the meal comes i was told that me and my kids mum should leave as nobody was going to be paying the bill, it was kind of funny and i have walked out of restaurants since without paying, but inviting somebody out for a meal then running out is another story altogether.
i know im kind of generalising gypsy's but there are more than one type, pikey's and gypsy's, i haven't worked out whos who on this TV program yet lol.
Remember if you have any feedback on my blogs/podcasts please feel free to message me, i do always try and message back.. the podcasts are now in the ITunes top 100 comedy podcasts and if you haven't downloaded at least one of them, what have u been doing? its really simple just click on this link and it will take u to iTunes
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/big-clever-truevip/id411049804
so until next time, be very good or very very bad.. this weekend im off until Tuesday so Grabbing will feature heavily in my weekends activities lol
12th jan garage
Good aftermorningofnight depending on when your actually bothering to read this shizzle, welcome to this ere blog that i am writing to tell you whats what in the world of cats and dogs..its not but if your easily swayed by dangling a cute puppy in front of you then i shall continue with the blackmail and tell you from the start i would like some feedback on these blogs and that if you dont download my podcast from i tunes (big and clever) i will randomly select the cutest kittens & puppies to go in a brown potato sack, and throw the sack in the thames directly off tower bridge, which so happens to be my favourite spot in london, dunno why other than its such a nice bridge and i been in the museum bit above about 4 times, as well as taking various dates there over the many years i have been alive in this big and clever world.
been getting in a bit of tournament poker lately, sunday i played in one at the mint casino and when we got down to the last 4 players, someone suggested we split the money, being in second place at the time i thought "why not", i was only gonna win £280 if we played it out and i actually won second place, and seeing as their was 3 other players to consider, i thought it not bad odds taking £250... sweetshop here i come!!
since the whole should i shouldn't i, with the Cambridge diet, i decided.. still not 100% convinced as i treat anything and everything with total and utter suspicion.. well i got a personal trainer who has allocated what i should eat and treats me to being able to do some boxing in the gym which includes hitting him, which is nice when you have had a stressful day, then the next day you get to ache all over for no extra money which is nice if you kinky like that..
since my birthday in october i have been working and doing a honest days work during the day and waking up before that smug cunt Jeremy kyle pops his face on my telly box, its getting on the bus with the poor people and those frightened of the poor people, i however dont fall into either category, i have had to disregard any manners i have to get on the bus in the right order that i arrived at the bus stop, the people who get the bus just seem to push their way to the front even if they have just arrived and the cue is long, but i just get on in the order i arrived not before nor after, if anyone says anything they get greeted with a big "fuck off" and a threat of having me dance on their face to the song from Disneys Little mermaid _-Under the sea, which holds fond memories from my daughter as a baby playing the video tape so much it actually broke, thats before she filled our video up with toast she decided she didnt want to eat.. (just for the record, i dont make threats of violence, but i do find myself snapping and could quite possibly off the culprit)
its all part of the actually growing up and being stable, because as some of you may not know being a DJ is a great job when its going well and plenty of money when the work comes in.. but since the death of vinyl so many wannabe DJ's have come along who just download the music and offer to do bookings for free or petrol money.. this then affects work for DJ's who have built up a decent reputation and paid out thousands for songs, which support the people who make it and they keep making it, keeping the scene alive.
so what we have now? most decent producers dont make much money from their music now which then makes some of them "give up" or move on to other types of music, the scene then becomes stale as there isnt enough new decent music to keep the scene buzzing.
now we got clubs that aint busy, playing every type of music because they dont know whats gonna get people in.. its a sad time for clubbing and music.. and i know some of you will say that Garage is coming back and there were loads of decent & busy raves over christmas and new year, but yes.. thats a couple. its not a scene.
right peeps n bobs.. thats it for this weeks moaning.. please if you do have any thoughts about my blogs/podcasts please take the time to email me back i do love reading them and all ways try reply, if you dont wanna reply on facebook you can reply directly to my email: mrdblaze@hotmail.com
also feel free to add me on twitter @Danny_Blaze_uk
be good and take care!! x x
been getting in a bit of tournament poker lately, sunday i played in one at the mint casino and when we got down to the last 4 players, someone suggested we split the money, being in second place at the time i thought "why not", i was only gonna win £280 if we played it out and i actually won second place, and seeing as their was 3 other players to consider, i thought it not bad odds taking £250... sweetshop here i come!!
since the whole should i shouldn't i, with the Cambridge diet, i decided.. still not 100% convinced as i treat anything and everything with total and utter suspicion.. well i got a personal trainer who has allocated what i should eat and treats me to being able to do some boxing in the gym which includes hitting him, which is nice when you have had a stressful day, then the next day you get to ache all over for no extra money which is nice if you kinky like that..
since my birthday in october i have been working and doing a honest days work during the day and waking up before that smug cunt Jeremy kyle pops his face on my telly box, its getting on the bus with the poor people and those frightened of the poor people, i however dont fall into either category, i have had to disregard any manners i have to get on the bus in the right order that i arrived at the bus stop, the people who get the bus just seem to push their way to the front even if they have just arrived and the cue is long, but i just get on in the order i arrived not before nor after, if anyone says anything they get greeted with a big "fuck off" and a threat of having me dance on their face to the song from Disneys Little mermaid _-Under the sea, which holds fond memories from my daughter as a baby playing the video tape so much it actually broke, thats before she filled our video up with toast she decided she didnt want to eat.. (just for the record, i dont make threats of violence, but i do find myself snapping and could quite possibly off the culprit)
its all part of the actually growing up and being stable, because as some of you may not know being a DJ is a great job when its going well and plenty of money when the work comes in.. but since the death of vinyl so many wannabe DJ's have come along who just download the music and offer to do bookings for free or petrol money.. this then affects work for DJ's who have built up a decent reputation and paid out thousands for songs, which support the people who make it and they keep making it, keeping the scene alive.
so what we have now? most decent producers dont make much money from their music now which then makes some of them "give up" or move on to other types of music, the scene then becomes stale as there isnt enough new decent music to keep the scene buzzing.
now we got clubs that aint busy, playing every type of music because they dont know whats gonna get people in.. its a sad time for clubbing and music.. and i know some of you will say that Garage is coming back and there were loads of decent & busy raves over christmas and new year, but yes.. thats a couple. its not a scene.
right peeps n bobs.. thats it for this weeks moaning.. please if you do have any thoughts about my blogs/podcasts please take the time to email me back i do love reading them and all ways try reply, if you dont wanna reply on facebook you can reply directly to my email: mrdblaze@hotmail.com
also feel free to add me on twitter @Danny_Blaze_uk
be good and take care!! x x
re start 6th jan 2011
welcome peoples, finally found time to re start doing my Blogs... been up to loads good and baddd..
so now the snow has settled and melted from winter 2010 we look forward to the future of 2011, this is the time when everyone says they are going to have a better yeah and all that old shite, but remember..you can only change things by changing things, all the talking and facebook status's in the world aren't going to make you have a better year, day or 5 minutes.
For true happiness in life i think you may have to adopt the attitude of the three wise monkeys (look, hear and see now evil), i know it sounds off key but if your like me and you spend countless hours worrying about things that haven't even happened yet, then you set yourself up to be disappointed at every turn..or relieved when somebody lets you down because you expect them to anyway. its not great to look at life this way but you get to see things exactly how they are, kinda like waking up from being in the matrix.
Some people go through life relying on others and never standing on there own feet, this comes down to insecurity in their own abilities and not wanting to try and fail, they just dont have the character to except that kind of defeat.
But what i say is try your hand at anything you want, from sky diving to learning to knit.. my phobias as a child were being worried that nobody likes me. i kind of had the same issue as i got older, but it wasnt until i realised i was on my own and dealing with everything life threw at me, that i could see that i didnt actually care.
i know your wondering why im going on about this now, but its to do with changing you life for the better.. since my last blogs i decided that everything that i didnt like about my life could be sorted by facing things and having routine in my life.. i decided i needed a job to have a reason to get up in the morning. and what i have noticed is that when your body has routine it works a lot better, so with this also in mind i decided to get a personal trainer and have a diet plan written for me, so the long term plan is change eating habits for life and be under pressure to go gym even when im not in the mood..
I been asked how my comedy stuff is coming along, i wrote some material and was going to west end every Tuesday in December to practice in front of an audience. the hardest thing about doing stand up is remembering your jokes and the order you wanna tell them in, and they best way to do that is practise, something that i seem unable to do when im on my own, i feel so stupid looking in the mirror saying my jokes to myself and would conjure up thoughts of mental illness lol
so anyway's it got to the big night of my first paid GIG and i was asked to be there early and i was super nervous, and i was the first comic on.. my first joke bombed, then my second one.. i remember thinking this is not going well, then i was heckled my some guy and i tore into him and everyone laughed, so off the back on that confidence i just told my most offensive jokes and everyone was laughing, so i stayed on for another 5 minutes and thought i would finish whilst it was still going really well.. everyone was clapping which was a wicked buzz, better than any drugs ive ever had.
i was in Bromley about a week later and a big black guy walked right up to me and said "its you from the other night" now on hearing this i started to think he might of been the guy i was insulting.. i thought about denying it but figured it might not be a good idea in the long run, so i said "yep" waiting for the punch in the face, until he put out his hand and said he really likes my work and thought i was funny, which was a major relief.. then the sense on achievement came over me and i decided that i should probably do a professional comedy course and peruse it as a potential carer.. so in feb i will do the course and try do this comedy thing properly.
still on the comedy note, me and a friend called keith decided to record a comedy/banter podcast, its currently up in the i tunes top 20 (new and noteworthy) chart, this morning it was at number 4 which is quite an achievement seeing as we have only recorded 2 episodes, we will be recording them every 2 weeks for FREE download on itunes, as a massive favour i am asking as many of you as possible to download the podcast & try write a quick review, even if its 2 words, it all helps.. my long term goal with the pod-cast is to get a radio show on a legal radio station as it keiths goal, and i want to use this time to come up with new material for stand up, so it all goes in hand pretty much.
the pod-cast is called "Big and clever" and its posted up by "True Vip" all help is muchly appreciated.
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/big-clever-truevip/id411049804?ign-mpt=uo%3D4
if you have any topics or Garry news for the pod-cast please get in touch via email, twitter, smoke signal, facebook..well you get the idea.
right that's this weeks blog, to be honest i could go on for about another hour, but i dont think you got the time to read about what i been up to.. there really is loads..
until next weeks blog peoples, take care and if you are looking to change 2011, get off your arse and do it!!
please remember to drop your feedback too :-)
so now the snow has settled and melted from winter 2010 we look forward to the future of 2011, this is the time when everyone says they are going to have a better yeah and all that old shite, but remember..you can only change things by changing things, all the talking and facebook status's in the world aren't going to make you have a better year, day or 5 minutes.
For true happiness in life i think you may have to adopt the attitude of the three wise monkeys (look, hear and see now evil), i know it sounds off key but if your like me and you spend countless hours worrying about things that haven't even happened yet, then you set yourself up to be disappointed at every turn..or relieved when somebody lets you down because you expect them to anyway. its not great to look at life this way but you get to see things exactly how they are, kinda like waking up from being in the matrix.
Some people go through life relying on others and never standing on there own feet, this comes down to insecurity in their own abilities and not wanting to try and fail, they just dont have the character to except that kind of defeat.
But what i say is try your hand at anything you want, from sky diving to learning to knit.. my phobias as a child were being worried that nobody likes me. i kind of had the same issue as i got older, but it wasnt until i realised i was on my own and dealing with everything life threw at me, that i could see that i didnt actually care.
i know your wondering why im going on about this now, but its to do with changing you life for the better.. since my last blogs i decided that everything that i didnt like about my life could be sorted by facing things and having routine in my life.. i decided i needed a job to have a reason to get up in the morning. and what i have noticed is that when your body has routine it works a lot better, so with this also in mind i decided to get a personal trainer and have a diet plan written for me, so the long term plan is change eating habits for life and be under pressure to go gym even when im not in the mood..
I been asked how my comedy stuff is coming along, i wrote some material and was going to west end every Tuesday in December to practice in front of an audience. the hardest thing about doing stand up is remembering your jokes and the order you wanna tell them in, and they best way to do that is practise, something that i seem unable to do when im on my own, i feel so stupid looking in the mirror saying my jokes to myself and would conjure up thoughts of mental illness lol
so anyway's it got to the big night of my first paid GIG and i was asked to be there early and i was super nervous, and i was the first comic on.. my first joke bombed, then my second one.. i remember thinking this is not going well, then i was heckled my some guy and i tore into him and everyone laughed, so off the back on that confidence i just told my most offensive jokes and everyone was laughing, so i stayed on for another 5 minutes and thought i would finish whilst it was still going really well.. everyone was clapping which was a wicked buzz, better than any drugs ive ever had.
i was in Bromley about a week later and a big black guy walked right up to me and said "its you from the other night" now on hearing this i started to think he might of been the guy i was insulting.. i thought about denying it but figured it might not be a good idea in the long run, so i said "yep" waiting for the punch in the face, until he put out his hand and said he really likes my work and thought i was funny, which was a major relief.. then the sense on achievement came over me and i decided that i should probably do a professional comedy course and peruse it as a potential carer.. so in feb i will do the course and try do this comedy thing properly.
still on the comedy note, me and a friend called keith decided to record a comedy/banter podcast, its currently up in the i tunes top 20 (new and noteworthy) chart, this morning it was at number 4 which is quite an achievement seeing as we have only recorded 2 episodes, we will be recording them every 2 weeks for FREE download on itunes, as a massive favour i am asking as many of you as possible to download the podcast & try write a quick review, even if its 2 words, it all helps.. my long term goal with the pod-cast is to get a radio show on a legal radio station as it keiths goal, and i want to use this time to come up with new material for stand up, so it all goes in hand pretty much.
the pod-cast is called "Big and clever" and its posted up by "True Vip" all help is muchly appreciated.
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/big-clever-truevip/id411049804?ign-mpt=uo%3D4
if you have any topics or Garry news for the pod-cast please get in touch via email, twitter, smoke signal, facebook..well you get the idea.
right that's this weeks blog, to be honest i could go on for about another hour, but i dont think you got the time to read about what i been up to.. there really is loads..
until next weeks blog peoples, take care and if you are looking to change 2011, get off your arse and do it!!
please remember to drop your feedback too :-)
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