So its starting to feel like summer with our lovely warm weather and sun newspaper £15 holidays to parts of Spain that no ones ever heard of, if like me you have been waiting for what seems like an eternity to get your summer clothes out of the loft then my friend we are as one in our quest for sunny days and late nights whilst wearing bright colours.
However after dragging last summers summer collection out of the loft I realized its all too big so its all gone to the salvation army charity shop, and I took myself up to the Ralph Lauren outlet shop in Oxfordshire where you can buy loads of nice things for a fraction of the cost, and no its not like TK (jumble sale) Max, its a lovely little village full of Toffs, now if you don’t know what a Toff is (and its not a chewy sweet) then I shall do my very best to explain what I think I Toff is: the full sentence is as follows “toffee nosed cunt” , someone who is well to do and has more money than you and me, actually thinking about it, I think we should go back up there and mug the rich bastards, but thinking about it, they probably don’t even carry cash. Do you think the next generation of muggers will accept card? “Yo blud gimme your card and let me swipe it”.. “Mans gonna take £200, could you please enter your pin” Yes well that’s defiantly what the future holds in store I’m bloody sure of it.
But that’s enough about the future, today I’m going to keep it in the past where everything’s as it should be, the 1ltr bottles of happy shopper cola were about 17p and snickers used to be called Marathons, the plastic stringy stuff called “Scooby Doos” were all the rage, now I cant pretend that I was any good at the bloody things because I could just about manage a pencil like shape in 2 basic colours, when other people with far more time on their hands knocked up small blocks of council flats in an array of colours, whilst I would sit there and hide the fact that I had made what can only be described as a two colour pencil. What I did seem to be good at was making the kinder egg toys, oh and eating the very limited sized chocolate that came with said kinder egg, and even though it sounds if I’m a dab hand at making the toys, what I failed to mention is that people in a coma could knock up a kinder toy, and even in some cases the toy was already made up if you was lucky enough to find a little blue Smurf in yours. But the best toys were the cars you would have to make up and then put stickers on. You can try and lie about it but if you even assembled one of these cars its a full gone conclusion that one completed you realized that you have put some of the stickers in the wrong place, because like me you thought that you was so clever that you didn’t need to read the instructions, hence having stickers left over that don’t fit anywhere on the car because the bit its for you have put a smaller sicker on. The stresses of childhood ah!
Other pastimes on the Stockwell park estate included building camps in the garages bellow the flats and burning down the sheds directly opposite my aunts house, so now your about to find out why my surname is Blaze and its nothing to do with smoking because I have never smoked (well that’s a lie of sorts, because I have sat down and smoked 20 Benson's on a drug fueled night out with friends about 15 years ago, and I woke up with yellow fingers and a sore throat, so never really bothered taking the habit up full time). Being about 8 or 9 I vividly remember me and my cousin Jamie getting dressed during the summer holidays whilst my aunt was still asleep, leaving the front door on the latch and running down stairs to the sheds which were directly opposite the kitchen window but two floors up (the kitchen that is, not the sheds, I didn’t live 100 years in the future..Try and keep up),.. Once at the sheds we would grab anything that we could use to build a fire, including mattresses, wood, aww fuck it you name it it would burn.
Once the shed was nicely stocked it was time to light it with the lighter that was supposed to be used to light the cooker, after all what a boring life for the humble lighter, lighting the cooker once or twice a day, the lighter and two little kids wanted excitement and yes we bloody got it. After the fire had been lit me and Jamie ran back upstairs got our pajamas back on and sat up at the kitchen window watching the firemen putting out our bright orange creation, now I know you must be thinking one of two things. 1. Watching firemen, are you sure you’re not gay? 2. What a pair of little cunts. And yes you would be right about us being little cunts.
As we would manage to do all this before my aunt (Jamie’s mum) was even awake, now how are you going to top the rest of the day with an adrenaline rush for breakfast like that?
Well we did try, we tried walking in the duck pond fully clothed singing the words to some song called “walking in the sunshine”, and I remember that day because one of our friends came up to us and said that Jamie’s mum had been calling us. Now when I say calling us I don’t mean like we all have mobiles now, NO. The way it was done during the 80s was by your mum or in my case my aunt screaming at the top of lungs from the second floor balcony “Dannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny....Jammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmie” then what would happen is because we were on this very big estate with kids riding about on their bikes and going here and there on foot, someone would often say “your mums been calling you for ages” it was like an old school version of texting to say your dinners ready.
Whilst on the subject of fire I might as well get it out there that my brushes with burning things down didn’t end whilst living with my aunt. When I was 10 my mum came out of jail and her friend had been offered a council house in Peckham but it was only 2 bedrooms and Tina (the woman not my mum) needed 3 so she told my mum about the house, so my mum decided that we were going to become squatters. And to be fair my mums still there nearly 25 years later, we squatted for nearly 12 years before the council officially offered my mum the house because by law after a period of time which was (because the laws changed now) 12 years and 1 day, the property officially becomes your property. Little fact for ya there. Anyways when we was living there 2 garages were attached to the side of the house which belonged to the church, one day as I had done more than once before I broke into the garages and started emptying all the liquids I could find into this orange bucket with my friends little brother Paul, we stirred the mixture and then I set the top the bucket alight, now this was fun for a minute until the bucket started melting, now being a kid I had not thought this plan through too well, basically there was a bucket full of flammable liquids and mixed together they were probably more flammable that rocket fuel. After realizing that we couldn’t put it out we jumped over the fence and went and hid in the park opposite until the fire brigade came, at which point we walked back over to the boys putting it out, it was at this point that Pauls sister and one of my best friends came past and said and I quote. “What you laughing at?” we said quietly to her that we had lit the fire and she shouted and pointed at us as again this is direct quote “THEY DONE IT!”
Yes Eileen told on us, I remember having to go to Camberwell police station and getting a caution, but there were no laughs from the policeman telling me off once I had left the room, just a caution and being told that it’s staying on record.
Last week is like a blur right now being so busy at the moment with work, but I just want to say thank you to everyone who made it down to BoHos for my weekly Garage night, this Thursday I have a couple of guest djs in the form of Dave “all good” H, Funk Mob and Dj Alert, remember its FREE entry and drinks are very cheap, the night kicks off at 8pm, so get down early and we can build this thing up nicely. Also this Friday you can catch me Dj’ing @ Pleasure which is at the Late Lounge in Bromley for a RnB night and this Saturday for Mc Versatile’s Birthday bash at Scala in Kings Cross which is set to be a night to remember, so that’s your whole weekend taken up with nights out people so I expect to see you at least one of them.
Right that’s me off now, this blog has now been added to the Blogger website so now if your reading this on facebook and next weeks hasn’t shown up you can read it on Blogger.com, the blog feedback is going back up again now so people please continue to drop me your comments on what you read here, it is quite important to me.
Twitters picking up very slowly right now, but starting to have a bit of a laugh on there, I had an argument on there last week, and IL put the bits bellow so you can read it for yourself.. Until next time be good, n thanks for reading x
KimoraReginae @mrdannyblaze Fck. get off my twitter u pussy ass white ugly as prink
@KimoraReginae / ur on ere in ur undies / wot so it's nt just ur dad n uncles who wanna fuck u?
@KimoraReginae / wanna b actress? U couldn't get on CCTV u dumb animal... See more
@KimoraReginae / ur desperate for attention on ere/ u look like ur daddys special girl / just don't tell mummy
@KimoraReginae / yes I'm white/ I'm also proud which is more than can b said 4 ur family / disappointment must run in ur blood
@KimoraReginae / where did ur parents get ur bloody name from? Isn't that the name of sum dumb creature??yes you!
@KimoraReginae / now get back to bed n put sum clothes on incase that colds pneumonia & people with Aids die from that. So cover up sweetie
KimoraReginae @mrdannyblaze Ur FAT ur UGLE ur also GAY fck. some dick u sad fck. i am gonna black u now i'm not even following u why talk to me at all !
KimoraReginae @mrdannyblaze I have love 1001 followers u sad FCK. lol lol lol hahaha
@KimoraReginae / yes Slags usually do have alot of guys sniffing about / y don't u take up spelling coz I need the practice... See more
@KimoraReginae / I no no y ur in ur undies / yes I noticed that fucking face of urs / u look like a crack whore
@KimoraReginae / gay / not wanting to fuck u don't make me gay, it makes me sensible / I wouldn't touch u with a hammer
@KimoraReginae / I'm sure il b the only guy ul block / it's access all areas in ur bedroom u walking disease
@KimoraReginae / being bulimic ain't nothing to shout about u mug / y don't u try keepin ur food down instead of ur knickers
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