Sorry this weeks blog is late but I had real life things to do that didn’t involve my world revolving around my pc that is situated in the corner of my living room, placed in the corner as if it had been naught in some way. The last 7 days have been pretty good I must say and the joys of being able to wear a short sleeved T shirt is a blessing, not that I am not allowed to not wear one during the snow and rain, I’m a grown up for fuck sake I will wear flip flops in the snow if I bloody well want. But I don’t want so everything’s right in the world once again. I remember being a kid when all I wanted to do is stay up late and eat sweets until I was sick. Now as an adult all I want to do is go to bed early and eat sweets until I’m sick. So no major changes there I hear you say...well there is like I really need to know why when pizza delivery was first introduced to the uk, if the driver was 1 minutes over the 60 minutes you got the pizza for free.. Why don’t we have that anymore? I really do need to know, not that I can ever remember getting free pizza. I just remember all the companies advertising that deal.
I don’t think it would work now though, can you imagine the arguments about how long someone took to deliver it? I have murders with one of my local pizza delivery places, I can remember 3 separate occasions since I have been at my currant house that I have ordered from them and they have said 45 minutes, I ring them after 50 minutes to be told the driver has left, then a further 10 minutes later I call back and complain..(When I say complain I mean to try and seem pissed off enough to cancel so I get some discount..We all do it don’t we??) Then I get told he is on my road, and he is outside amongst other petty lies these bastards tell to calm you down. Then when it crashes the hour and five minutes barrier and I have been told twice how busy they are and that the driver died whilst on way to my house and that they had to make another pizza which is on way to me with a newly employed driver..I ring back and tell them I DO NOT WANT THE FUCKING PIZZA, SO DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT SEND THE DRIVER TO ME OK!!! Then the same thing has happened 3 separate times. I hang up order food from somewhere else and then the pizza guy turns up like nothings happened. This is where I get really rude and tell him to fuck off. Now you are probably thinking “Dan if you have had problems twice, why did you order a third time?” and that is a good question. Well I look at it like childbirth (bit of a stretch I know), when a woman has a baby I am told it is the worst pain imaginable, but after time goes by the woman forgets all the pain she went through and in a quite a lot of cases has another child, because the brain likes to forget shit that hurts us. So I will be needing a delivery pizza for some reason (usually being hungry or the kids only want pizza and will not eat Chinese or Indian because they are inconsiderate towards there dads likes in take away heart attack in a box foods (that’s bad for you takeaways in general). And I search for one on line and very rudely pizza hut does not deliver to my area (I was going to say address, but I thought it sounded like I had wronged them in some way, but I assure you I have not. I just happen to fall out of the catchment delivery area..And that goes for Dominos too.. cunts), so I always think I should give them just one more try and maybe I was just being a bit of a idiot last time I ordered from there, they aint so bad..Well 3 times out of 3 tells me they are bad.. And give it another 6 months or so when I need a pizza I shall probably be ringing them once again.
Last week loads of you celebrated St Patricks day and I myself am actually Irish but I didn’t really celebrate it, if I am honest I don’t celebrate much these days as I am such a cynical bastard and believe all these holidays were made up by people who own card shops such as Clintons, who always seem to only stock one of any card I ever need when I go into the surrey quays branch. I think it may just be a poor shop in the mighty chain of cards for all occasion’s division of hell. After all now we all have printers and moon pig why do we bother with cards people end up throwing in the bin? I know I sound like a meanie but I have never kept a card in my life.. And for those of you who have no idea who St Patrick was, he was English and was kidnapped at 16 and taken to Ireland as a slave, he later escaped and returned to Britain and became a priest, later returning to Ireland to teach Christianity, using the Irish shamrock to explain the Trinity. (Now you didn’t think you was going to learn anything like that today did ya)
I noticed the other day on bbc3 that the comedian Eddie Izzard was on TV running 43 marathons in the space of a few weeks, running roughly 30 miles a day. Now this guy was doing it for sport relief and is not an athlete, I was shocked to say the least. He was living on ice creams and roadside cafes. Now in case you are unsure how long 43 marathons are its 1000+ miles, now I don’t often say you should feel anyone’s pain but I have to take my hat (baseball cap) off to this guy.
As some of you seem to have noticed I now am in a relationship with a very nice young lady and as some of you have asked I thought I would mention it in my blog as I have sort of been spending most of my spare time with her in the last few weeks, so rather than me saying I went out for dinner, I can just say me and Jess went for dinner lol.. I met her family last week at her birthday meal, I was a bit nervous but I just pictured them all naked and it helped me relax... no I didn’t really that would be plain wrong.. I was on my best behaviour I think. Well I wasn’t asked to leave so I think it went ok.
We did however check out a comedy show last Wednesday at the comedy cafe, and the night was great but I was right about the food, its not that funny, we tried a meze and I had some chicken kebabs on wooden sticks, but the sticks tasted nicer than the chicken which was a bit sad. But the compare was really good and most of the comedians were funny. You really should check it out.. Oh the chocolate cake was banging!!
Now I wanna ask you a couple things, firstly is it ok for a man to say the chocolate cake is to die for? Me neither. I wont say who said it (nooo not me) but it sounded really gay hearing a man say it lol. secondly and bizarrely I have seen 2 different black girls going into sun bed shops for a sun bed, its none of my business what they do with there money or time but I was a little bit confused dot com, I thought the object was for us pale folk to get darker skin.. Any chicks wanna explain to me? Coz I doubt most of you fellas know what a sunbed is.. Saying that I keep seeing more and more guys using them, and yes that includes yours truly lol.. And yes I am gay..Well I’m not but you get my drift
Last week I decided I wanted to get a new tattoo soon and was told a guy called Andy bone was very good and local, so on Sunday I went to see him and thought “fuck it” and let him draw a design on my arm, and before you know it I was in the chair going through pain all for the sake of art, I am well pleased with the result and still have a couple of hours to finish it fully, its just got to have a bit of shading and colouring in, well worth the money spent.
This week I am donning my DJ hat for the late lounge in Bromley, and the nest following Saturdays you can catch me at Pure Temptation @ Scala Kings cross and the following Saturday @ Exposure in Vauxhall.. I am selling tickets for these events, so if you would like any dropped off to you please in box me or text me on 07800 727 291 and let me know how many you need and what area you are in.. both events are sell out nights so don’t be trying all that last minute running around shit because I will be in Margate during the day for Exposure.
On Saturday I went to my god daughter’s first birthday party, and again I am broody. I think I should text her for a bit now so I don’t get the urge to kill her parents and nick her as I am her god father after all.. lol I was roped into playing musical chairs with about 10 people, now I wasn’t trying to be competitive but when you get down to the last 4 you start to think that “I can actually win this” sop I tried a bit harder until it was just me and some other guy..Yeah I was in the final of the musical chairs Olympics, just me and him.. But sadly I had to make do with second place, and second place doesn’t get anything.. I did leave a couple minutes after that and I swear it wasn’t anything to do with shaming my whole family who had brought me up on tales of my forefathers winning musical chairs throughout of family’s rich musical chairs history. I just had to go, well it was late and I didn’t want to win the stupid game anyway, it’s for kids not adults who are trying to cling on to hope of reliving their youth by competing in kid’s games at parties..Rant over
Does anyone remember when T mobile was called Mercury 121 and why the fuck did they change the name??
Wow it’s been about 5 months since I have been writing these blogs and sending them out on facebook, a lot has happened.. they have had several updates all worse than the last one, we celebrated another of jesus’s birthdays and we all remember valentines where we was all single and cried ourselves to sleep that night because nobody loves us and life was just too much for us..Oh just me then on that one. No joking aside...and no I didn’t celebrate Jesus’s birthday, I might aswel celebrate frosty the snowman’s birthday, as he is a fictional character too. What I’m trying to say is there is still loads of you 2000+ people who read these blogs and don’t drop me any feedback, well this is your week to do it person reading this, you can reply to any of the blogs, and even if you do it every week, you should keep it up solder!! Thanking you.. this weeks blog is a bit random and I have no idea what I’m going on about because I have a headache and I’m just typing away at the keys without actually checking what I’m writing, so if it says anything good that’s talent, but if its bad, that’s the headache..So feel free to tap away and give me your opinion
Until nest week where I predict it will be sunny, have a splendid cup of tea on me and try and be good. Tatty bye bye
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