So the weathers gone from one extreme to another last few days, so if you had all your shorts and t shirts washed, ironed and ready to go then like me you will be thinking what a fucking waste of time that was. I am going to carry on last week’s topic I think regarding one extreme to the other and the drug topic which a few of you lot found to be quite similar to your own experiences. Remember I am not bragging or encouraging anyone to take drugs because apart from being expensive they can ruin you lives and the lives of others around you.
After discovering pills at about 21/ 22 years old I was living in brockley house on east street, it was a one bedroom flat we rented of a girl called Amanda who I hated because she came across as a bully, she did ultimately let us stay there so I cant really say anything bad about her. Whilst living there I had no income and things were super tight, there are low points in my life that I remember and a couple of them were whilst living there, such as going to the shop with about 40p in pennies to buy a chocolate bar and it felt like a tramp paying for my twirl completely in coppers, but my addiction and craving for chocolate was so strong that the shame was worth the reward of the intense velvet flavored bar. Another low point which you may think is me over reacting was cooking a sausage stir fry. Now you may think there’s nothing wrong with putting sausages and rice together in a wok and knocking up an English twist to an ancient Chinese dish that’s been around since time began, other than the fact I don’t like sausages. But being poor the choices you get in life are slimmer than a supermodel with and eating disorder.
It’s amazing how your financial situation can motivate you into things that you might otherwise consider to be not your thing or how good something tastes when you haven’t eaten for that day, even if the said meal is something you hate.
At that time in my life its fair to say I had given up on a few things thinking life was going to always be that shit, I had the court case for access to my kids going on which was killing me, I was getting weekly letters from my kids mums solicitors calling me all the names under the sun. I wasn’t working and I had recently discovered the joys of taking drugs, namely ecstasy which was like taking a problem forgetting pill and all the hurt used to go away for that particular period.
What I then done was not to set up a shop or stall, but what came next seemed like a natural progression as if promoted from user to seller. I realized that I could make enough money to pay for my weekends out partying and have enough left over to get me through the week without having to scrape together pennies to buy chocolate bars and basic dinners. I’m not saying I went and bought a car or house, I was strictly small time.
After all, I knew people that I had grown up with selling FAKE pills by going and getting pro plus or any tablets on sale that could pass as ecstasy. Then file them down if necessary to remove any writing then finally coat them in “stop n grow” the nasty tasting substance used to coat your nails to stop you biting them. This made the pill taste bitter when taken so the person taking it believes that they are not buying a dud pill. As clever as it sounds I didn’t actually agree with this way of earning a living because sooner or later they would end up taking a beating because you cant go to trading standards with a faulty pill and get a refund off anyone, this was strictly a dangerous area of the field that I was only to happy to stay away from.
Not that I thought what I was doing was ok either, but I thought quite selfishly that I was not hurting anyone and having quite a good time in the process, meeting loads of new people and some of them people cant do enough for you, you are elevated into a position of folk hero, breaking the law for the good of the people who wanted to get wasted. Well that’s how it felt at the time. But the laws of club land are very different from the laws on the streets, for instance think about this.. dance clubs emerged off the back of illegal raves in the mid to late 80s and promotions and clubs were run by a lot of the people who put together the illegal raves, so how do you go from organizing illegal raves filled with drugs and drug dealers who were making thousands of pounds a night to running a legit club with no drugs in?? Answer you don’t. And why would you?
Some clubs and I am going to say some as my get out, some clubs allowed dealers to operate inside the club with the clubs blessing for a fee, now I’m not going to pretend I know every in and out of this operation because I have never done it on behalf of a club, the things I am presenting to you are things I have witnessed and been told whilst going out clubbing for years in a scene I loved and worshiped.
Going out was like a birthday at the end of a very stressed week, I was pretty much living for the weekends, no real money or work but having them weekends made up for a lot of the shit things that were going on at the time. I had to do a drug course later on when I was about 29 to be able to teach DJ workshops in schools and I remember the guy teaching us saying that ecstasy in its purest form is pretty safe if taken properly, I couldn’t believe my ears.
There hasn’t been enough study into it to say otherwise, but I am not going to suggest you do it, after all the downsides are looking down syndrome, sweating like a pedophile in a playground as well as the comedowns and depression you suffer after prolonged usage, it can also lead to paranoia and trigger mental breakdowns, because remember what goes up must come down.
Drugs and drink are responsible for many situations that I have been in that I wouldn’t have been in otherwise, some of them good and others bad, anyone who says they remain unaffected from years of drug taking are probably not aware of their symptoms or the long term damage they have suffered.
Before I rap up this bit about drugs I want you to be aware of a few facts, more people die each year from alcohol related incidents including drinking alcohol and smoking than any drug related incidents. If the governments legalized drugs here, we would have to be friends and do business with the people we have been demonising since time began and it would be very hard to tax, after all people have been smuggling them in and can get around paying the tax. Look at the cigarette situation in this county, abroad fags are cheap, but if you’re a smoker in the UK you have to pay a high duty on them because they are addictive and people will continue to buy them even if they get to £10 for 20. But now we are at the stage where we all know someone selling cigarettes illegally, you can get 200 for £20/£25 depending on your brand, as a county we are standing up to the government and saying we won’t stop smoking but we will not pay what you want us to.. (now reading back it seems like I’m really interested in politics, but let me reassure you I’m not, I just like to be aware and I’m a nosey fucker lol)
Fucking hell another rant over, quickly I know I shouldn’t and I said I wouldn’t but I’m 4 days in on this Cambridge diet, I feel pissed off its got to this but I need to get down to what I want to be and its very hard as per this topic being all or nothing, I could lie and what have you, but I cant be arsed.
I will let you know how I get on, please remember to drop your feedback, it does make me feel like I’m not sitting in a room babbling and going mad lol
Right in the words of jerry Springer >> fuck off lol
Wednesday 14 July 2010
Thursday 1 July 2010
1st july 2010 the drugs dont work
When I was a child I used to gorge on chocolate and listen to pirate radio stations like Lightning Fm, then I managed to get a job and used to play fruit machines and lost most of what I earnt on more than one occasion. But what seemed to happen was that a cheeky fiver became twenty pounds and by then your chasing the money you lost, thinking that the machine was about to pay out at any minute. You couldn’t walk away because somebody else will walk up, put in twenty pence and win all your money. But it’s not your money is it really? Because as soon as you put it into the machine it becomes someone else’s money, so you really don’t have a claim to it. Well I hated walking away but once you have spent all you have in cash, there’s nothing else to do other than watch someone else put in that one coin and win the jackpot. It’s at this point that you feel a failure. All sorts of things used to run through my head and a bout of depression would set in. At the time this was happening I was about 18 and wasn’t really a fan of Pubs, so I didn’t go in very often, not to mention the fact that I had 2 kids aged one and two. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t spend the money for nappies or clothes on fruit machines, it was money that I just happened to have. Money that I could have put to good use.
Then as I got older, well I was about 21/22 I started experimenting with speed, I always said I wouldn’t touch drugs because my mums husband became a heroin addict and we had to leave home to get away from the cunt. So not taking drugs and not smoking was a very easy thing to say no to, but after splitting up with my kids mum, I sort of thought my world had ended, well at the time it had because I was still young and I didn’t know any better, or any different I should say, I had been with her from the age of 15 and had grown up together, its a bit silly now when you think of it, but at the time I needed a distraction, so DJ’ing became a good way to express myself and achieve something in the way of pride and a little extra money that didn’t involve crime.
When I became a weekly resident I started drinking loads whilst I was DJ’ing partly nerves and partly just being upset over the split, a friend of mine said to me that speed keeps you sober but keeps the happy vibe from the alcohol. And to start with it worked a treat; I would have gone on ITV after Coronation Street and promoted speed as the perfect accompaniment to drinking loads of lager.
It was then that I got introduced to the club scene and started going to channel club and strawberry Sundays in Vauxhall, it was in channel club that some guy we were out with suggested I take an E. Now what I should have said is no but in the spirit of things I thought “fuck it, why not?” so we split the pill 3 ways. It tasted absolutely vile but at the time it seemed un cool to mention it, so I just cracked on and waited for the effects to take over.
I couldn’t tell you how long it took but I can still remember coming over all warm as if you was snuggled up in your favorite pajamas in front of a hot fire drinking hot chocolate whilst it’s snowing outside. I was sat in room two and the song playing was Insomnia by faithless, I was sat on a podium thing drinking a can of red stripe (I can assure you that is not a drink I would order at a bar, but in them clubs its all they had in the way of lager... I think it’s cheap to buy in, but they sold it for about £3). There was one of them fans that turn’s around in different directions, and every time it was on me I felt better and when it was off me, I became hot and sluggish. It was at that point I started to become a bit worried because I wasn’t in control and it felt different from any feeling I had ever felt before, it was at that point that someone sat down with me and told me not to panic.
Enter Sandra, she was a complete stranger up to that point, she’s a black woman who loves clubbing through and through, whatever it is, clubbing looks as though it courses through her veins. She explained what was happening to me and the worst thing I can do is panic, the girl I was with was monged out and was enjoying the feeling as she had a big stupid grin on her face and the bloke was off dancing somewhere, so it was all down to Sandra to stop me having a panic attack. Now you think that would of been the last time I would of taken ecstasy, but my friends I cant tell a lie and say its a bad thing I done because on reflection I enjoyed it so much that I went out most weekends and ate doves, I love you’s, Mercedes, Rolex’s and all sorts of names that seemed a bit weird at the time but I suppose brand awareness is quite important, even in the drug making business, lol
The problem with some if not most drugs is that they certainly do lead to taking other drugs, I’m not saying if you smoke a bit of puff your going to be on heroin before the nights out, but once you open certain doors the rest of the drug options seem to present themselves like walking into a sweet shop and asking for a kit kat chunky, now the shop owner doesn’t want to tell you that he hasn’t been to the cash and carry, so he tries to show you the new kit kat chunky now with caramel. Yes folks its better than the original and has more sugar for your money than the boring old chunky version, that’s pretty much how some people sell you drugs, you might go to buy speed and walk out with ketamine, coke or baby teething powder if your not careful. The drug business is not regulated and follows no rules other than they are breaking the law. Now some people, well most people don’t mind bending a few rules or even breaking tiny non important laws like parking on a double red line. But the drugs game is a very different animal, you face years in prison and the prospect of not being able to get a decent job if you ever get out, so why do so many people risk getting caught taking and selling the fucking things?
Escapism is the answer, I don’t care how happy someone says they are, how many houses, cars or blow jobs they get, if they take drugs its part escapism or as it was in my case switching off, or being able to switch off and escape from any problems that were in my life at the time. Certain drugs give you a comfort blanket that protects you from whatever’s bothering you. Anyone who takes drugs regularly and says that nothing bothers then or that they are happy is probably lying to you and themselves, some drugs become a coping mechanism for all manner of situations from smoking weed because you can do your job standing on your head to sniffing cocaine because you work in a high octane environment such as a trader on the futures market, I’m not saying everyone does because I’m not everywhere to say that its the truth, I’m just saying it goes on.
Up to now you have probably got the impression that I advocate taking drugs, well let me clear something up. I do not.
What I haven’t got to yes is the day after the night before, have you heard of the saying what goes up must come down? Well it’s a true as life itself.
Being 22 I was able to go out all night, take a few drugs such as ecstasy and drink loads of alcohol and get into my bed at 9am, then wake up at 5 in the afternoon as if I had been in bed at 9.55pm with a cup of coco, then skip forward 5 years. I was able and needed to take more drugs for it to have any affect and staying up would sometimes include me by myself sniffing coke and taking ecstasy with a glass of vodka on the go. This is when what started out as a social pastime became an addiction and the good times were defiantly outweighing the good. Paranoia had set in and my mental state was less than fragile. Some people find themselves owing money for the nights that never ended and working all week to pay dealers for drugs that they smoked or sniffed. I was fortunate to be earning enough money to not owe anyone any thing but know and met enough people who would sell you their property such as personal music players, videos just to get more money to buy more drugs.
Its like working in clubs every week, I get to see people at their best, happy and up for a laugh, they drink as if they are rich and take various drugs, but then the can you lend me money comes out of the mouth and you have to think can this guy pay me back? I remember lending a guy £40 once so he could stay out longer, he gave me his cash point card and said he would ring me the next day with his pin number so I could go to the bank and draw the cash out. Now that seemed pretty reasonable as the guy had been coming to the club for ages and was a friend of a friend. Well let me just say that he didn’t ring me the next day and I have never seen him since, the lengths people will go to ah!
Right more next week about all the ups n downs of drugs, I just want to thank everyone who sponsored me for the charity bike ride I done on Sunday, I just want to say it was fucking easy and have decide to try and keep the training up to do the London to Brighton and the London to Windsor ride which is much longer than 27 miles. Its not too late to sponsor me as I need to get the fund up about and other £100, so if everyone gives £5 it will exceed my target, all you have to do is click on www.justgiving.com/daniel-blaze and use your debit card or credit card, its simple or if you don’t feel safe you can in box me on facebook and arrange to give me the cash and I will put it on for you, I have to say special thanks to Sarah LT from crawley , Express national Carriers (the best cab company in London, use them loads as they are great, the numbers 0207 404 3333), Ekrim, Alex, Hux, EJB, Richie, Lisa & Nancy, Dwayne, Michelle Buckley, Cheryl , Stacy, Sam, Natalie, Mc Sez, Dj Metts, Digital disco plus everyone who is yet to still give me the cash. Oh and I cant forget to say thanks to Barbra and Andrew who arranged it all, id love for you guys to be my Mum & Dad, and they gave a £100 sponsorship which is above and beyond the call of duty considering everything they done on the day.. Thanks to you all xx
Right remember you can shout me with your feedback on this blogs, it does mean a lot when you do so do the right thing lol..
Have a lovely time in this weather, I’m off to knock out 30 miles on my bike like its nothing lol
Then as I got older, well I was about 21/22 I started experimenting with speed, I always said I wouldn’t touch drugs because my mums husband became a heroin addict and we had to leave home to get away from the cunt. So not taking drugs and not smoking was a very easy thing to say no to, but after splitting up with my kids mum, I sort of thought my world had ended, well at the time it had because I was still young and I didn’t know any better, or any different I should say, I had been with her from the age of 15 and had grown up together, its a bit silly now when you think of it, but at the time I needed a distraction, so DJ’ing became a good way to express myself and achieve something in the way of pride and a little extra money that didn’t involve crime.
When I became a weekly resident I started drinking loads whilst I was DJ’ing partly nerves and partly just being upset over the split, a friend of mine said to me that speed keeps you sober but keeps the happy vibe from the alcohol. And to start with it worked a treat; I would have gone on ITV after Coronation Street and promoted speed as the perfect accompaniment to drinking loads of lager.
It was then that I got introduced to the club scene and started going to channel club and strawberry Sundays in Vauxhall, it was in channel club that some guy we were out with suggested I take an E. Now what I should have said is no but in the spirit of things I thought “fuck it, why not?” so we split the pill 3 ways. It tasted absolutely vile but at the time it seemed un cool to mention it, so I just cracked on and waited for the effects to take over.
I couldn’t tell you how long it took but I can still remember coming over all warm as if you was snuggled up in your favorite pajamas in front of a hot fire drinking hot chocolate whilst it’s snowing outside. I was sat in room two and the song playing was Insomnia by faithless, I was sat on a podium thing drinking a can of red stripe (I can assure you that is not a drink I would order at a bar, but in them clubs its all they had in the way of lager... I think it’s cheap to buy in, but they sold it for about £3). There was one of them fans that turn’s around in different directions, and every time it was on me I felt better and when it was off me, I became hot and sluggish. It was at that point I started to become a bit worried because I wasn’t in control and it felt different from any feeling I had ever felt before, it was at that point that someone sat down with me and told me not to panic.
Enter Sandra, she was a complete stranger up to that point, she’s a black woman who loves clubbing through and through, whatever it is, clubbing looks as though it courses through her veins. She explained what was happening to me and the worst thing I can do is panic, the girl I was with was monged out and was enjoying the feeling as she had a big stupid grin on her face and the bloke was off dancing somewhere, so it was all down to Sandra to stop me having a panic attack. Now you think that would of been the last time I would of taken ecstasy, but my friends I cant tell a lie and say its a bad thing I done because on reflection I enjoyed it so much that I went out most weekends and ate doves, I love you’s, Mercedes, Rolex’s and all sorts of names that seemed a bit weird at the time but I suppose brand awareness is quite important, even in the drug making business, lol
The problem with some if not most drugs is that they certainly do lead to taking other drugs, I’m not saying if you smoke a bit of puff your going to be on heroin before the nights out, but once you open certain doors the rest of the drug options seem to present themselves like walking into a sweet shop and asking for a kit kat chunky, now the shop owner doesn’t want to tell you that he hasn’t been to the cash and carry, so he tries to show you the new kit kat chunky now with caramel. Yes folks its better than the original and has more sugar for your money than the boring old chunky version, that’s pretty much how some people sell you drugs, you might go to buy speed and walk out with ketamine, coke or baby teething powder if your not careful. The drug business is not regulated and follows no rules other than they are breaking the law. Now some people, well most people don’t mind bending a few rules or even breaking tiny non important laws like parking on a double red line. But the drugs game is a very different animal, you face years in prison and the prospect of not being able to get a decent job if you ever get out, so why do so many people risk getting caught taking and selling the fucking things?
Escapism is the answer, I don’t care how happy someone says they are, how many houses, cars or blow jobs they get, if they take drugs its part escapism or as it was in my case switching off, or being able to switch off and escape from any problems that were in my life at the time. Certain drugs give you a comfort blanket that protects you from whatever’s bothering you. Anyone who takes drugs regularly and says that nothing bothers then or that they are happy is probably lying to you and themselves, some drugs become a coping mechanism for all manner of situations from smoking weed because you can do your job standing on your head to sniffing cocaine because you work in a high octane environment such as a trader on the futures market, I’m not saying everyone does because I’m not everywhere to say that its the truth, I’m just saying it goes on.
Up to now you have probably got the impression that I advocate taking drugs, well let me clear something up. I do not.
What I haven’t got to yes is the day after the night before, have you heard of the saying what goes up must come down? Well it’s a true as life itself.
Being 22 I was able to go out all night, take a few drugs such as ecstasy and drink loads of alcohol and get into my bed at 9am, then wake up at 5 in the afternoon as if I had been in bed at 9.55pm with a cup of coco, then skip forward 5 years. I was able and needed to take more drugs for it to have any affect and staying up would sometimes include me by myself sniffing coke and taking ecstasy with a glass of vodka on the go. This is when what started out as a social pastime became an addiction and the good times were defiantly outweighing the good. Paranoia had set in and my mental state was less than fragile. Some people find themselves owing money for the nights that never ended and working all week to pay dealers for drugs that they smoked or sniffed. I was fortunate to be earning enough money to not owe anyone any thing but know and met enough people who would sell you their property such as personal music players, videos just to get more money to buy more drugs.
Its like working in clubs every week, I get to see people at their best, happy and up for a laugh, they drink as if they are rich and take various drugs, but then the can you lend me money comes out of the mouth and you have to think can this guy pay me back? I remember lending a guy £40 once so he could stay out longer, he gave me his cash point card and said he would ring me the next day with his pin number so I could go to the bank and draw the cash out. Now that seemed pretty reasonable as the guy had been coming to the club for ages and was a friend of a friend. Well let me just say that he didn’t ring me the next day and I have never seen him since, the lengths people will go to ah!
Right more next week about all the ups n downs of drugs, I just want to thank everyone who sponsored me for the charity bike ride I done on Sunday, I just want to say it was fucking easy and have decide to try and keep the training up to do the London to Brighton and the London to Windsor ride which is much longer than 27 miles. Its not too late to sponsor me as I need to get the fund up about and other £100, so if everyone gives £5 it will exceed my target, all you have to do is click on www.justgiving.com/daniel-blaze and use your debit card or credit card, its simple or if you don’t feel safe you can in box me on facebook and arrange to give me the cash and I will put it on for you, I have to say special thanks to Sarah LT from crawley , Express national Carriers (the best cab company in London, use them loads as they are great, the numbers 0207 404 3333), Ekrim, Alex, Hux, EJB, Richie, Lisa & Nancy, Dwayne, Michelle Buckley, Cheryl , Stacy, Sam, Natalie, Mc Sez, Dj Metts, Digital disco plus everyone who is yet to still give me the cash. Oh and I cant forget to say thanks to Barbra and Andrew who arranged it all, id love for you guys to be my Mum & Dad, and they gave a £100 sponsorship which is above and beyond the call of duty considering everything they done on the day.. Thanks to you all xx
Right remember you can shout me with your feedback on this blogs, it does mean a lot when you do so do the right thing lol..
Have a lovely time in this weather, I’m off to knock out 30 miles on my bike like its nothing lol
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)